


an unwanted aphrodisiac

by xambedox



Category: UP10TION
Genre: Awkward First Times, M/M, like all the first times tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2018-06-05 20:52:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6722926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xambedox/pseuds/xambedox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kogyeol and Jinhoo seem to have a bit of trouble with the new choreography (albeit at first, for very different reasons)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. you have my attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fanservice; a necessary evil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo yo yo so while up10tion are already like my sons, i do not know them all well enough to be confident in my characterization so please be aware of that, also if you have any suggestions or think something seems out of character and want to suggest a correction then please leave a comment bc it would be rad
> 
> anyway so i saw the choreo for attention and have basically been thinking about writing this ever since and now here we are
> 
> things to note:  
> \- this will be using their real names like 98% of the time so Kogyeol is Minsoo and Jinhoo is Jinwook in case you did not know (bc i didn't until i started writing this oops)  
> \- probably mostly following kogyeol/minsoo's pov
> 
> feel free to yell at me here or on my tumblr (averagelyangelic) i love attention

“You want me to do _what?_ ”

“I literally just demonstrated it for you what don’t you understand.”

“But Jaeho-seonsaengnim,” Minsoo whined. He knew he really shouldn’t be arguing with the choreographer, but the choreo seemed too intimate (and not the kind of intimate he wanted to get with any of his members). “Surely there’s something else we could do for that line. I mean, what about _that_ reflects ‘Listen carefully to what I have to say now’?”

“Yah! Don’t talk back to me.” A pause and a roll of his eyes. “Aish. Look, I know it’s probably not the most comfortable thing but have you ever heard of fanservice? Believe me, they’ll love it. Just suck it up.” Strict (maybe a little harsh) but understanding. Minsoo wasn’t really sure what else to expect since that was the usual course for, well, just about anything when it came to Jaeho-hyung, but still.

He still had no idea where Jinwook stood on this, but he could only assume his hyung shared his sentiments.

Then as if to give him a bit of a break, Jaeho decided to get them to run through the chorus parts again, slowly at first, getting them to remember their moves and figure out just where each of them were actually supposed to be. This (of course) was interrupted by frequent corrections, but everyone was working hard under Jaeho’s all-seeing hawk eyes.

 

“Alright, you’ve been working hard, take 15 minutes.”

 

Jaeho’s voice rung out through the sauna like practice room and was met with a few cheers, and a few more sighs of relief. Minsoo dropped to the ground almost immediately, grateful for the cool floor against his sweat soaked back as he splayed out on the floor and relaxed for a bit.

“Minsoo-hyung, drink this.” The voice interrupted his thoughts and the prod of a bottle had Minsoo sitting up to flash his dongsaeng a grateful look.

“Thanks, Hee.” He took a long drink of water and Hwanhee grinned, clearly pleased with the outcome. Though the grin was soon replaced as he grabbed the bottle back and took another sip of his own. Then as he put it down, he looked as if he wanted to say something, but was clearly hesitating.

“Hee, whatever it is, just spit it out.” Still nothing and Minsoo was about to prod again when Hwanhee finally spoke.

“Are you really going to do the solo part with Jinwook-hyung?” Minsoo froze at that, mulling over how to respond. He had actually managed forget about it and was a little annoyed that Hwanhee was bringing it up, but it’s not like he could really get angry at the kid for it.

“Well, you heard hyung, it’s not like I really have much of a choice.” Hwanhee just nodded thoughtfully and took another drink from the water (and finishing it off much to Minsoo's dismay).

Having nothing to drink, Minsoo started glancing around the room looking for the extra bottles of water. Spotting them easily enough, he rose to his feet with a small grunt as his tired muscles fought the action.

He squatted down next to the box, freed a bottle, started to get back up, and then felt the plastic slip out of his fingers as it was pulled away. Minsoo looked up in time to see Jinwook walking off with his freshly stolen water and narrowed his eyes in a glare before grabbing a second bottle and following after. Only then did he realize Jinwook looked a little off.

 

Maybe it was just the result of being tired from the hard practice.

But then again, maybe not.

 

He sat down next to Jinwook, shoulder to shoulder, and started opening his (replacement) bottle of water.

“Hyung, something wrong?” Jinwook was taking a drink, so the delayed response didn’t come as a surprise.

“Just tired,” the blonde mumbled. And while the younger wasn’t buying it, he also didn’t press any further.

“Well, rest up, I heard Jaeho-hyung say we were gonna go back to the first verse after break.” It was hard to hide the discomfort in his tone towards the end, but he did his best to keep it lighthearted.

“Right.”

 

*** *** *** *** ***

 

The rest of the practice went about as well as it could. There was a lot of confusion, even more running into each other from messing up formations, and plenty of bruises forming as if for proof of it all.

Everyone was tired, so there was a little less talking that usual, but Minsoo felt especially quiet.

He did his best to commit to the choreography, and Jaeho seemed pleased enough with the progress (at least for the moment), but Minsoo could have sworn he saw some foreign look in Jinwook’s eyes whenever the younger made a comment about how uncomfortable it was. Which (at least in Minsoo’s mind) was few and far between but still _completely_ warranted.

 

Why would he feel anything else when being pinned down by another guy?

Still, he kept thinking about that look.

And no matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t place it.

It seemed like a negative look though, that much he was (at least 80%) sure of.

 

Sungjun had fallen asleep on Minsoo’s shoulder on the ride back to their dorm, and it was the rapper’s stirring that brought him back to reality.

A quiet “...Are we there?” was asked half muddled by sleep and with Sungjun rubbing his eyes the way he was, Minsoo couldn’t help but think he looked like a cute little kid and messed his hair a bit out of reflex.

“Yup, now go up and shower, you smell gross,” he teased.

“Hey, you’re no better than I am Minsoo-ah,” Sungjun said as he started to wake up a bit more, half laughing as he said it.

“Whatever.”

 

*** *** *** *** ***

 

Because he kept zoning out, he ended up being the last to shower.

It was times like that (when there was no more hot water but skipping the shower really wasn’t an option) when he silently cursed the fact that there were so many members in the group.

He was in and out as fast as he could manage, but the cold water still stung against his hot skin and he came out red and a little blotchy. Pulling a loose fitting sweatshirt over his head he made a silent promise never to shower last again.

Pretty much everyone had succumbed to sleep, much like Minsoo’s mind and body were begging to, but at the sight of a familiar blonde head poking over the top of their sofa, Minsoo made his way over.

Plopping down beside the elder and stretching out across the length of the seats, he laid his head down in Jinwook’s lap (probably a little obnoxiously but he couldn’t really be bothered). He shut his eyes as he nestled the back of his head into a warm and comfortable thigh, and a hand (not his own) fell to run fingers through his hair.

“I thought you’d be asleep by now too since you were so tired earlier,” Minsoo offered quietly. He knew Jinwook was doing something on his phone, but Minsoo also knew that he’d be paying enough attention to respond.

 

No response.

Huh.

 

“Yah, earth to hyung,” he called out, cracking his eyes open only to find another pair staring right at him. Then his mind flashed back to earlier when those same eyes had been staring into his, to when that same hand that was now in his hair had been inching up his thigh and he closed his eyes again almost immediately.

He was too aware of everything now. The fingers in his hair, the steady breathing matching his own, the warm lap beneath his head, and the eyes... the eyes that he could feel on him so strongly it was as if they could bore straight through him. He considered getting up right then and going off to bed just to get away from it. But he didn't.

“I _am_ tired. Wanted to wait until all you kids were clean and in bed first though.” He sounded a bit more than tired though.

“What a good leader.” It was a teasing tone, but laced with fondness, and Minsoo hoped it bled through enough that it might cheer Jinwook up out of whatever he was feeling.

Then it was quiet, and the fingers working so soothingly through his hair halted.

 

“I try.”

 

Something was off. Jinwook’s voice was quiet, quieter than just out of considerations for the sleeping members nearby. And there was something else, something in the tone of his voice. Like he was sad, like he was _needy._

Minsoo opened his eyes again, meeting his hyung's gaze without faltering this time.

 

“Is that why you’ve been off today? Because you think you aren’t a good leader?” And when his questions were met with silence, he sat up (Jinwook’s unsettlingly unfamiliar gaze following his movements) and shifted so that he was right next to Jinwook, one leg tucked underneath him, the other hanging over the edge where the cool air rose off the floor and tickled his bare foot. He didn’t move though, because he wanted to sit close to his hyung.

“You’re a really good leader, and a really good hyung too, you know that, right? Who else would put up with all of us and still manage to smile instead of hitting us upside the head.”

That earned him a laugh, only spurring him on.

“Even today, you really helped us all keep going, even if you were just as tired as the rest of us.” He continued a little quieter now, barely above a whisper. “And... even though I didn’t really feel comfortable with the choreography, you never once made me feel bad about it.”

At some point, Jinwook stopped looking him in the eye, but Minsoo kept his gaze trained on the leader. The latter’s expression changed again.

 

“...Is it because of me?” Minsoo's question wasn’t exactly met with silence, but he didn’t pause long enough to give the older male the chance to properly respond.

“Ah.. I should have known. You were probably more uncomfortable than I was, huh. Who would want to seduce another guy like that, even just for choreography.” He could hear himself sounding sorry, but he also heard himself sounding dejected. He hadn’t a clue why, and while he was busy thinking about that, he heard Jinwook mumble something, but couldn’t make out just what it was.

"Hm?"

“I wasn’t uncomfortable,” Jinwook repeated, before glancing to meet Minsoo’s confused gaze. “I’ve just been...” he paused, turning away again and trying to pick the best choice of words while looking like he didn’t really want to say anything at all, “ _thinking_... about it a lot.”

 

“What do you mean?” And Minsoo wasn’t mean, or teasing. He just wanted to understand. He wanted his hyung to stop looking like he was, and start looking happier again. Just one day without that goofy smile seemed like too long and he didn’t like it.

 

“I think I liked it.”

 

Silence.

 

 _“Oh_.”

 

More silence.

 

“I, uh, maybe we should talk about this later,” _or not at all_ , “when we’re not so tired,” _when my mind doesn’t feel so muddled_ , “and you’ve had a bit more time to think,” _and I’ve had time to process what that even means._

“Sure.” Pause. “You go ahead to bed first. I’m gonna finish this,” and he waves the previously forgotten phone. “I’ll go to sleep soon too.”

“Alright.” He sounds distant, even to his own ears, but he can’t tell if it’s sleep or confusion that’s causing it.

“Goodnight, hyung.”

“Goodnight, Soo-ah.”

 

But the fond nickname doesn’t sound the same as usual.


	2. three weeks and stir crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neither of them really know what they want, but they both want the other to be okay (and they'll just go from there).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls enjoy this 2am gem
> 
> pls yell at me here or on my tumblr (averagelyangelic) bc i live for the reactions

Three weeks.

That’s how long it had taken for Minsoo to completely lose his mind.

 

The first two weeks had been all about learning and perfecting the choreography.

Then they had one day off, which pretty much meant sleep while you can because you’re about to lose out on it again.

Then they recorded the music video.

Then another day off to catch up on sleep.

Which would bring him to three weeks (to the day) from when Jinwook admitted to liking it.

 

Whatever _it_ was.

 

Everything seemed back to normal when he had woken up in the morning. And the world carried on as if nothing had happened.

 

Except Minsoo.

He wasn’t back to normal.

He couldn’t carry on as if nothing had happened.

 

Sure, he could _act_ like it. And he did. But it invaded his thoughts. During rehearsal too.

 

After doing _it_ a few dozen more times, it wasn’t strange to him anymore. In fact, he almost found it calming. It was a brief rest in the choreography, so he could store up strength.

 

But more than that, it was kind of nice to be put into that position.

He didn’t have to do anything.

He just had to look Jinwook in the eye, and follow the other’s lead.

It was simple, comforting even.

 

And he couldn’t stop thinking about how maybe he liked _it_ too.

At the very least he didn’t _dis_ like it.

 

But he wasn’t sure if it was the same kind of like as Jinwook.

And that was what was driving him fucking crazy.

 

Three weeks of thinking and _thinking_ and **_thinking_**.

Only thinking.

Because for some _god forsaken reason_ , he couldn’t just sit down with Jinwook and _talk about it_.

 

It could be that one of them was managing to grab a moment’s rest undisturbed.

Maybe Minsoo wasn’t sure how to bring it up.

Jinwook certainly hadn’t made any attempt to talk about it either.

But it definitely didn’t help that it was hard to be alone without anyone else around to hear.

 

The members; they were a family. There weren’t supposed to be any secrets between them.

So what did it matter if no two members were never left alone to talk amongst themselves, right?

 

Right?

 

_Three weeks._

 

Promotions were going to be starting, and that meant the chances of talking alone would only slim down from there.

So when Minsoo saw the chance, he grabbed it by the wrist and dragged it out of harm’s way as best he could.

 

“Why doesn’t leader go to get the ice cream?” he volunteered. “Hyung was the one that suggested it, no?” He was looking mischievous, which probably wasn’t the smartest idea, but he had to at least look like he was trying to save himself from making the trip.

“But weren’t you the one you complained about wanting something cold?” Yujin mused.

 

Yujin. Precious Yujin.

 

“Why don’t the two of you just go get it then since it was both your idea,” Dongyeol piped up.  Minsoo supposed it was said more out of the maknae’s own drive for survival given that he was often made to be the runner for things, but Minsoo couldn’t help but feel as if God was smiling on him that day.

The maknae’s suggestion was met with a chorus of approval while Jinwook sighed in defeat and Minsoo tried to look how Jinwook sounded.

 

And that’s how the two of them ended up wandering down the block, company card in hand, driven on by the prospect of ice cream (and Minsoo’s own personal agenda).

 

“Hyung,” and he paused, suddenly not sure how to continue.

“What is it Soo-ah?” Jinwook was looking at him expectantly, having no idea of what lay ahead and Minsoo faltered again. If Jinwook wasn’t bothered by it anymore, then maybe he should just leave it as is. He hadn’t actually stopped to think about his hyung in all this.

“Nothing. It’s-- nevermind.”

“Doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“It is. I mean, it’s _not_ , but it doesn’t really matter.”

“Yah, Minsoo, whatever it is just tell hyung. Since when have you kept things from me anyway?” That earned a laugh from Minsoo. The entire group was probably a little _too_ open with each other sometimes and Minsoo was no exception to the rule.

“I just-- and feel free to say you don’t want to talk about it -- but I wanted to continue the conversation from before.”

“You’ll have to be a little more specific than that, Soo.”

 

And Minsook mustered up what courage he could manage, finding his voice and it came out rushed, anxious even.

“From the day we started learning the choreography for Attention... When you said you liked… _it_ and then I decided I was too tired to talk about it.”

 

Not silence per say, because the lack of words felt rather deafening, but he could tell Jinwook was just thinking.

 

“I wanted to know what you meant.”

He spoke a little slower, but it was only met with more deafening silence.

 

“Do you still _dis_ like it?”

 

“...Not really" He took a breath. "... It’s pretty comfortable now. Besides, hyung has really pretty eyes,” the last part was meant to defuse some of the tension, and Minsoo had attempted to deliver it with a lighthearted and joking tone, but part of him thought it verged on genuine flirtation. Immediately after, the same thought was shoved far from the forefront of his mind because why would he think about flirting with his hyung as anything more than a joke.

 

“That’s, uh, _good._ ”

 

Minsoo didn’t like when Jinwook was so quiet.

It was so different from usual.

It was unsettling.

Uncomfortable.

 

“I kinda like it even,” Minsoo finally said, unsure if it was the right thing to confess but he was sticking with it anyway. “It’s simple.”

 

“Simple?”

 

“Yeah. Like, I dunno, it feels kinda natural now? Probably because we’ve done it so many times. But still, it’s kinda nice I guess.”

 

“Huh.”

 

This time the silence was Minsoo’s doing.

 

“So will you tell me what you meant now?”

 

“If you want.”

 

“I do.”

 

Despite their exchange, Jinwook was silent again. The only sounds were those of their breathing, the white noise of the neighbourhood, and the soft fall of their footsteps on concrete as they continued to walk.

 

Minsoo didn’t remember the walk to the convenience store taking this long.

Did it usually take this long?

He didn’t think it did.

Yet there they were, still walking.

 

“I liked it,” Jinwook finally said. His eyes refused to look away from the direction they were walking, but for some reason Minsoo didn’t really mind. He was mostly looking down at his shoes anyway.

 

“I liked having you under me like that.”

 

The words seemed to come out slowly. And while Minwoo understood the implications, he wanted to pretend he didn’t. After all, wasn’t that what he had been doing the last few weeks anyway?

 

“Because I’m me or because I’m a guy?”

 

So slowly.

 

“I’m not sure.”

 

Too slowly.

 

“Okay.”

 

This time the silence lasted for several minutes. Long enough to walk to and into the store, gather all the ice cream (though they did have a few words of exchange to decide which types to get), and exit the store again.

 

They had been walking back for what felt like hours but was really only about 40 seconds when Jinwook spoke.

 

“I definitely like girls.” The suddenness of the statement coupled with the ~~adorable~~ determination in the elder’s tone made Minsoo laugh aloud.

“Believe me, I _know_.” He was still chuckling a bit at the absurdity of the confession. There was no way someone could fake the kind of interest Jinwook had shown in the past.

 

“...Do you dislike me now?”

“ ‘course not. What kind of person would I be if I hated my hyung for thinking I’m good looking?”

“Yah! Who says I think you’re good looking?”

 

They’re laughing together and things feel normal again for a minute.

A minute that’s over a little too quickly for both of them.

 

“You know, I have this hyung back home. I didn’t really understand it, hell, I _still_ don’t really understand it, but he says he likes guys just as much as he likes girls. I kind of avoided him after I found out. It seems really stupid now that I think about it but at the time I was… I dunno, scared maybe? The idea of two guys together seemed kinda fucked up." He paused, thinking back to how terribly he handled the whole thing.  "I really hurt him and even after we tried to reconnect, we weren’t as close as we used to be and just kept drifting apart.” It wasn’t a pause, it was really more of a lull in the conversation than anything. It wasn’t uncomfortable, he didn’t think, it was more just giving Jinwook time to process.

It was during the pause that Minsoo thought back to the phone number he still had. He wondered if it still worked.

 

“Why are you telling me this?”

 

“Not really sure if I’m being honest. I mean, I’m positive about liking girls, but I guess this whole things just got me thinking a lot about why I thought it was so wrong for two dudes to.. I don’t know. Maybe it was mostly so that you know that even if you do like guys, you aren’t alone I guess? Also, I… care about you a lot, hyung. So I guess what I’m trying to say is… if you want any help… _figuring things out_ , I want to try and help. I have no idea what you’d want me to do, or if there’s anything I _can_ do, but.. Yeah.”

 

“The fuck are you offering?” Jinwook sounded more amused by the proposal than anything else, he let out a laugh that was at least half out of disbelief. “Are you even okay with that?”

“Well it’s not like I’ve got a lot of experience with other guys, and I only have a bit of experience with girls because of well, _life_ , but yeah, I guess. It’s not like I’m going to do anything and everything, but I could do _some_ things.” _Lips are lips_ , he wants to say. Surely it wouldn't be that different from kissing a girl. Jinwook's lips were really full too, and they seem like they'd be pretty soft if he really thought about it.

“You’re really serious about this, aren’t you.” It wasn’t really a question, more of an observation that anything else.

“Anything for my favourite hyung.”

 

Then, as an afterthought,

“Don’t tell Sooil-hyung I said that.”


	3. a helping hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month to overthink, and then suddenly no time to think at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> feel free to yell at me here or on my tumblr (averagelyangelic) bc i live for the reactions

Another month went by after Minsoo offered to _help_.

 

It wasn’t because he changed his mind, and Jinwook made it clear that he’d take Minsoo up on the offer eventually.

It was all down to timing. Timing and energy.

 

Between promotions and their seemingly never ending members, they were either never alone or too tired to do anything about it.

 

An entire month for Minsoo to overthink just about everything.

 

What did he even mean by help?

How far was he even willing to go?

Looking?

Kissing?

 _Touching_?

 

But he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t kind of excited by the idea of it.

He had never gone especially far with anyone. A few heavy make out sessions and using hands to get each other off at most.

But kissing (at the very least) was fun, regardless of whether or not you had feelings for someone, or even if you found them all that attractive.

 

He could kiss Jinwook at least, if the older wanted to.

He wanted to help and he had a hard time  ~~and he did try~~  imagining what Jinwook was going through.

 

Another month of overthinking everything the older boy did.

When they held hands, was it different from holding hands with the others?

What about when they made eye contact, did they hold it for too long?

How about if the older’s arm was slung around Minsoo shoulders?

 

Was any of that help or was it just _normal_?

 

One month.

 

“I _refuse_ to shower last again. It took me _ages_ to warm up!” Minsoo exclaimed. And it’s true. He might have gone to bed after his brief talk with Jinwook but he was lying in bed for ages, too cold to actually fall asleep.

He shuddered just thinking about it and felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist. He didn’t know who it was, but he didn’t really care. They were warm and he felt cold just from the memory.

“Why don’t we just have people double up for showers, that way no one gets stuck with cold water,” Sooil finally suggested and a tired mumble of agreement echoed through the room.

“Great,” he said, “Jinwook, take your pick. You’re always first anyway.”

“Come on, Minsoo. You can go first with me and have all the hot water you want.” And suddenly the arms around him retracted, pulling him towards the washroom.

 

Was this Jinwook taking him up on the offer or was he just being a good hyung? Either way, Minsoo didn’t really care. He’d give just about anything to have a hot shower.

 

At some point they ended up in the washroom (with the door locked which should have really clued him in) but Minsoo had been far too busy thinking about a nice hot shower to sooth his sore and tired muscles.

 

“I’ve already fixed the temperature so you can get in,” Jinwook’s voice brought him back to his senses. He was already half undressed so he quickly rid himself of the rest of his clothes and stepped under the steady stream, sighing in relief as the water ran down his skin, painting it pink from the warmth of it.

 

He almost didn’t notice Jinwook coming up behind him.

Almost.

 

“Pass the soap, I’ll wash your back.”

In response, Minsoo silently handed the body wash behind him, shivering as the cold fluid was applied to his back.

Jinwook’s movements were a little slower than they probably would have been with anyone else. It was like he was feeling without really _feeling_.

Like he was trying to get used to broad shoulders beneath his fingertip, of a strong back instead of a thin waist, of a toned butt from hours of grueling choreography.

 

Wait. What.

 

He had had his ass grabbed as much as the next member.

In fact, he had done his fair share of ass grabbing too.

But it was a little different in that kind of situation.

 

Warm hands eventually wandered up again, back to washing away all traces of their earlier practice with the strong scent of the soap.

“Is this really okay?” Jinwook sounded so small, unsure. Minsoo half wanted to slap him upside the head and call him an idiot because it was literally _all Minsoo’s idea,_ but the other part thought better of it.

“Y-yeah,” and of course he would stutter now of all times. He had been a little uncomfortable with all the heavy skinship when they were first trainees, but so much time had passed that any of the members could quite literally come up behind him and fondle his ass and he wouldn't bat an eyelash. It's not like it was an unpleasant feeling, and it was an agreed upon fact that he had a pretty great ass to begin with. “You can... you can do that more if you want.”

 

What _that_ meant, again, Minsoo really wasn’t sure, but he figured he could always just stop Jinwook if the older started doing something he _didn’t_ want.

 

“...Okay.” After another brief pause, he felt himself being turned around, forcing the stream of water to wash away the suds covering his back, and Minsoo wasn’t really sure where to look. Jinwook clearly didn’t know either, but somehow eventually settled on watching his own hands as they started to clean Minsoo’s chest and abdomen. In turn, Minsoo eventually settled on watching Jinwook’s face as the leader seemed to study every curve and dip of his skin.

 

It was a little uncomfortable, but mostly because of how foreign it was. There wasn’t a single member that he hadn’t already seen naked, nor a member that hadn’t seen him just as much. But those times were very different.

 

Jinwook’s expression changed (although only the slightest amount) to something akin to embarrassment and Minsoo almost laughed. Surely there was no more shame to be had about the situation.

Then he realized why.

Jinwook was half hard.

 

At that, Minsoo stiffened a little and Jinwook definitely picked up on it because he moved to pull back his hands.

“Do you... do you want me to do anything?” Minsoo offered and a moment later he thought he heard ' _so many things_ ' uttered so softly he must’ve imagined it, but the very thought made his ears burn just a little bit. Even if it was another dude, even if it was his hyung, it was still nice to feel desired (even out of confusion).

“You don’t have to, Just ignore it, it’ll go away in a few minutes anyway,” but contrary to Jinwook’s words, his dick had gotten a little harder at the younger’s question.

“That’s not what I asked.” Somehow one of his hands had found its way into Jinwook’s, so he gave it a squeeze and asked again. A little differently this time.

“Would you like it if I did something?”

 

Hesitantly, and so small Minsoo almost missed it, but Jinwook nodded.

 

Minsoo reached forward with his free hand and started palming Jinwook, rather hesitantly but was met with an encouraging gasp and an embarrassed look.

“Try to keep quiet, and I’ll try to make hyung feel good, okay?” Another small nod.

Minsoo could feel Jinwook’s dick growing and he started getting a little worried, but he certainly didn’t let it show. He was probably a little bigger than Jinwook, but once the latter was fully erect, Minsoo couldn’t help but stare a bit as he rubbed his thumb over the slit.

 

Surely what worked for him could work for Jinwook too.

 

Proved correct by a muffled moan, Minsoo started rubbing up and down the length. It curved a little, not a lot, but a little. There were also two especially prominent veins. The color was a little different from his own too. The head was a little more pink. It was almost cute. _Almost._

 

“ _A-ah_.” Jinwook's breathing hitched and his moans were breathy, but there were definitely a lot of them. It was both encouraging and worrying.

 

“For some reason I didn’t peg you to be all that vocal, um,” his mind flashed back to when he was fingering a girl and had to muffle her moans with kisses because her mum or dad or _someone_ was in the next room. He'd avoid that if he could, at least for the moment. He wasn't sure he could handle another man moaning directly into his mouth, even in the current situation.

“Just, cover your mouth with our hand or something, yeah, like that,” he added in agreement upon seeing the other’s hand rise up. “Also, just so I know, what like, gets you off? I mean I could just try what I know I like but it would help if you shared something? Also I’m pretty sure me talking like this is probably killing the mood a bit but the other members are all waiting to shower so we should really be quick about this.”

 

All through this Minsoo’s hand had been attempting to pump in a steady rhythm, twisting and pulling and hoping it was doing the job.

He really was out of his element here.

 

“Uh, o-oh, _oh_ ... just,” a shaky breath, “keep doing what you’re doing. Oh _fuck_.”

 

Minsoo couldn’t help but feel a little bit of pride knowing it was him that was making someone this undone, he also couldn’t help but feel his own dick twitch (just a little) at all the stifled moans Jinwook was letting out. But he would avoid thinking about that if he could. 

 

It wasn’t much longer before Jinwook was coming white strands all over Minsoo’s hand and both their chests.

 

“Sorry,” the older mumbled, his eyes were still half lidded, but he diligently rewashed Minsoo where it was needed and silently thanked God for such a strongly scented body wash.

“I’m fine hyung. Let’s just get you clean and into bed.”

“Mhm,” came the sleepy response. Minsoo worked quickly (much faster than Jinwook had been, for obvious reasons), finishing all the cleaning and washing they had skipped earlier. Soon enough the water was off and he was helping to dry off his hyung.

 

“Thanks, Soo-ah, I know this is probably weird for you.” Minsoo hated how sorry the other sounded. He didn’t do those things so his hyung could feel bad about it.

 

“It’s fine, I promise.” With that, he finished dressing himself and helped a sleepy Jinwook pull a sweater over his head.

 

“Hyung can I sleep in your bed tonight?”

“If you want.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”


	4. 86%

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They become more and less sure, respectively.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it seems late night and unedited writing sessions are becoming a pattern
> 
> this one is a little shorter because the next one will have a lot more development and will end up being longer as a result
> 
> anyway, enjoy
> 
> you know the drill so averagelyangelic.tumblr.com

Minsoo woke up surrounded by warmth and he hadn’t felt so rested in a long time. It was a little too warm, and the body heat between him and Jinwook left his back feeling a little damp, despite the both of them having discarded their sweaters early into the night.

Their legs were tangled, and he could feel Jinwook lips pressed into his shoulder as the elder snuggled closer. He could also feel the other’s morning wood against his butt.

Suddenly he started waking up a bit. He might have helped out his hyung in the shower the night before, but he wasn’t too keen on the idea of doing it daily.

Coupled with his own morning glory, he had the overwhelming urge to pee so he couldn’t stay in bed longer even if he wanted to, which (for the record) he didn’t.

 

Unfortunately, Jinwook had other plans.

 

“Don’t get up yet,” he mumbled, breath warm on Minsoo’s neck.

“If you don’t let me up I’ll literally piss the bed.”

Minsoo wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Jinwook move so fast and let out a quiet laugh as he got up.

 

After relieving himself (in more ways than one), he went back to the bed where Jinwook was now completely stretched out and the blanket in complete disarray.

“Come on hyung, get up and set a good example for the rest of the kids. We have an early schedule again today.”

“Who’s left to get up still?”

“Who do you _think_?”

Jinwook then flashed a look that looked like the nonverbal equivalent of _say no more_ and finally got up out of bed.

 

It was going to be a long morning, but by some stroke of luck, the group had the entire evening off.

There wasn’t a single member that wasn’t looking forward to just hanging around the dorm doing _whatever._

 

*** *** *** *** ***

 

First there was general chatting, then games and cards, and finally a movie to help them all wind down. Pretty much everyone had passed out except Jinwook. It wasn’t especially late yet, and he was a little put out that everyone had fallen asleep.

Which is exactly why he decided to wake up Minwoo.

 

“Let me sleep I’m tired,” the younger whined, clearly unhappy with the disturbance but Jinwook was relentless.

“Yah everyone is asleep and I’m bored. Come play with me in the kitchen.”

 

Eventually Minwoo succumbed and staggered his way into the next room, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and demanding Jinwook pour him some water. He jumped up to sit on the counter while he waited, swinging his legs a bit to get some blood flowing to the one that fell asleep.

 

“So what do you even want to do?” He stared Jinwook down, chugging the entire glass of water while he waited for an answer.

“I uh, I wanted to try something.”

“Try what? Do you mean one of those new flavoured ramen we got? I’m pretty sure Wooseok would kill you if you tried any without him.”

“No, I meant...” he trailed off. He was already standing right in front of Minsoo after handing him the water, and shifted his weight a little looking nervous.

 

“Can I give you a peck?”

“Oh, uh, sure.” He put down the empty glass. “Maybe you should be the one sitting on the counter,” he laughed and slipped off the edge to bring himself closer to Jinwook’s height.

 

“How should I--?”

“It’s just a peck hyung, stop making this so weird.” But Minsoo’s stomach was doing flips and he felt extremely nervous for no reason at all. He had kissed people before. This wasn’t going to be any different. Lips were lips. “Just uh,” and he leaned in, his motions hesitant and far from fluid but he didn’t really care, and neither did Jinwook.

 

Their lips grazed a bit and Jinwook steeled himself before going in properly. Then again. And again.

Minsoo was right. Jinwook had very soft lips.

 

“How was that?” He asked, but Jinwook was quiet again.

 

“Fine.” And Jinwook’s gaze flicked from the younger’s eyes, then to his lips, and back again. “Can I _kiss_ you?”

 

Now it was Minsoo’s turned to be quiet. He had basically already agree to do whatever, but every time Jinwook stopped to ask, Minsoo seemed to lose reserve.

 

“You know, you don’t have to keep asking,” he finally said.

“Okay.” There was another pause, but once he started moving, Jinwook was more confident leaning in. His kiss was still soft and gentle and was even a little less nervous (but only a little.)

Minsoo found himself closing his eyes and melting into the kiss, hands finding their way to the nape of his hyung’s neck while warm hands closed in on his waist.

 

It was definitely different from kissing girls. It wasn’t any less enjoyable though.

 

Jinwook hands wandered down a little further, slipping on Minsoo’s ass and pulling just enough to bring the younger closer, just enough for their hips to touch.

It wasn’t until Jinwook’s tongue was slipping into his mouth that Minsoo realized just how into the kiss he was getting. He wondered if he’d be able to do this with any of the other members. Somehow he didn't think he would.

 

Their kiss was slow, more for getting used to the feel of each other, and when Jinwook pulled back, Minsoo almost wanted to whimper at the loss. He had really started enjoying it too.

He didn’t get a chance to say anything before he felt full, spit slicked lips peppering kisses along his jawline, hot and wet but Minsoo didn’t mind in the slightest.

Not when those lips drifted down to his neck, not when he let his head fall back to expose himself further, not even when teeth grazed against him.

 

Then Jinwook nipped at the skin and sucked a light mark.

 

That, Minsoo minded.

He minded a lot.

 

Not because he was worried about someone seeing it. It was light enough to be gone by morning.

And certainly not because he didn’t like it (he definitely liked it). But that was the problem.

He liked it too much.

And he _moaned._

 

Part of him wanted to push Jinwook away immediately, but then the other male was soothing the area with an open mouth kiss and had his tongue running over the reddened area.

 

Jinwook hands were back on his hips, fingers slipping under the hem of his shirt and he liked that too.

 

Oh god did he like it.

 

His hand had fallen to rest on Jinwook’s bicep at some point, and he loosened the tight grip he had unconsciously had on it. Instead, he slid it back up to Jinwook’s neck, directing the older’s head so that he could kiss his hyung again. Neck kissing was dangerous territory and he needed to get away from it.

 

Minsoo sucked lightly on the other’s lower lip, gaining something akin to a hum of approval, and he could feel the other’s hand moving up his chest, hand hot on his skin as the fabric of his shirt stretched to accommodate the intrusion.

 

Then that same hand brushed against his nipple, eliciting a small, shaky breath against the other's mouth.

He was nervous. And he liked it.

 

The brunet deepened the kiss, mapping out the other’s mouth with his tongue and let out a stifled moan when he felt hips pressing further into his.

 

_Pleasure was pleasure. Lips were lips._

 

It was becoming a mantra in his head, as if learned by rote. He was trying (and succeeding) in convincing himself it was totally fine that it was another guy making him sound like that, _feel_ like that.

 

He pulled back, almost smirking as Jinwook moved to chase his lips back.

 

“Maybe,” his voice was low and breathy, “we should stop.” He was half hard and the last thing he wanted was to pitch a tent with the rest of the members asleep in the next room. There wasn’t even a door to keep them apart.

 

“If that’s what you want.” Jinwook’s voice came out sounding a little disappointed, but just as aroused as Minsoo felt and the latter really didn’t like the effect it had on his dick.

“I mean the kids are asleep but they could wake up any minute.”

“We could go to the bathroom...” Jinwook’s breath was hot on his mouth, brown eyes still staring at his glistening lips, “lock the door.” The blonde’s hand was still under his shirt too, fingers running over the dips of his torso.

 

“This is... just a bit much for me right now.”

“Oh, right... _Sorry_.” And Jinwook was backing up, hands retreating, and Minsoo didn’t like it. He didn’t like the cold air replacing where hot touches had just been. And he didn’t like to hear Jinwook apologizing.

“Would you stop with the ‘sorry’s already? You haven’t done anything wrong.” In fact, one could make the argument that the problem was the fact he kept doing things right.

 

“Besides, it’s fun.”

Maybe fun wasn’t the right word for it. Enjoyable, sure. Confusing even. But 'fun' seemed both not casual enough and not intimate enough to describe what had just happened.

 

“So what did you think?” Minsoo soon asked.

“I think I might really like guys.”

“You _think_?” Minsoo laughed.

“Like, 86% sure.” The blonde mused, his tone lighthearted and expression feigning concentration.

“Huh, how specific.”

 

They grinned at each other for a minute, both clearly pleased with the lack of tension in the air.

 

“You know,” Minsoo starts, not able to meet the other’s gaze anymore, “when I suggested this I didn’t really think I would end up enjoying myself as much as I am.” He rubbed at the back of his neck nervously as he confessed it.

“Well if you want any help figuring things out, you know where to find me.”

 

How cocky. Minsoo liked him better when he was nervous. ~~Though there was definitely something alluring about the confidence too.~~


	5. equal parts confused and wanton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts to consume him and Minsoo still can't tell if it's good or bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> put this off for a long time bc i wasn't really sure how to write one of the scenes but we're here, it's done, and i hope you like it

He must have been staring at the phone contact name for an hour. Had to have been. It certainly felt like it. (Minsoo actively ignores the clock telling him it’s only been about 12 minutes.)

Thinking he heard a knock at the door, he jumped. It was just a false alarm but he stared down in horror at the phone realizing he had hit the call button.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe all of the sudden but he brought the phone to his ear, and hoped to god it would go to voicemail so he didn’t actually have to say anything.

 

It didn’t.

 

“Minjun-hyung? It’s uh… It’s Minsoo-ah.” He shuffled his feet against the floor, his nerves preventing him from staying still.

“Yeah, it’s been a while.” He nodded too, not that Minjun could see it.

“Oh, you’ve been following us?” It was both a relief to hear but also made him feel all the more guilty for letting them drift apart in the first place.

“Thanks.” The quick words of praise actually managed to calm his nerves a bit.

“That’s great! You always wanted to go in engineering.” And he was genuinely happy for the older male, using it to help try and cover his nervous tone.

“I’ve just uh, been thinking about you lately.” He wasn’t really sure what to say next, luckily his hyung started cracking jokes. He missed that. “Ha ha, very funny.” But then it got serious again.

“I wanted to ask you about something, but I’m not sure if you’ll even want to answer. And it’s totally okay if you don’t. I don’t want to bother you.” Minsoo was nervous again and he couldn’t help but wonder if Minjun could hear how loudly his heart was pounding. This was a mistake, it was a terrible idea to call in the first place.

“Hyung, actually it’s a couple questions, but the first one is, uh… how did you know you were attracted to  boys?” The words came rushing out of his mouth anyway.

“No, yeah, I totally understand. I should have expected that it might not be a good time to talk about that kind of thing.” He went red with embarrassment as he rushed to give an apology. He really should have known better.  

“I have some time off tomorrow if that works. We’d only have an hour or so before I’d have to leave for my next schedule though.” He couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice. He had expected to be brushed off, not to hear an offer to see each other in person.

“Are you sure?” There was still a chance Minjun would change his mind.

“Yeah, okay. Just text me the address.” Might as well just commit, right?

“See you then.” There were really going to meet up.

“And hyung?” He paused to make sure the other was listening. “Thanks.”

As soon as he hung up the call, he splayed himself out on the ground none too gracefully.

He was really going to meet up with Minjun. After all that time had passed, Minjun actually seemed to have forgiven him enough to help him and suddenly he felt guilty all over again. He didn’t really deserve any kindness.

Minsoo was the one that drove a wedge between them in the first place. Minsoo was the one that really let them drift apart in the end. And now, Minsoo was the one calling his hyung up to ask for a favour after having made no attempts to contact the other in who knows how long.

What a dickhead he was.

 

*** *** *** *** ***

 

“Hwanhee-ah,” Minsoo called out softly. “Play with my hair.” And he laid his head down in the younger’s lap without waiting for a response. What could he say? He was nervous about the day to come, and was feeling clingy as a result.

“What’s up with you today?” Hwanhee asked though his fingers started tugging gently through the brunet’s hair anyway. “Actually hyung, you’ve been acting kinda off the last couple days too.”

“Have I?” He knew he had been, but he felt the need to at least _feign_ ignorance. “I guess I’ve just had a lot on my mind.” _A hell of a lot_ , he thought to himself.

“Anything you want to talk about? Dr. Lee is here at your disposal.” Minsoo let out a bit of laugh at that.

“Nah, it’s nothing even the great _Dr. Lee_ could help with.” As much as he trusted Hwanhee, the types of things he had on his mind weren’t the kind of thing he wanted to share with anyone. Well, maybe two someones (one the cause of his headache and one the cause of his nerves), but that was about it.

“Well if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks, Hee-ah.”

“Anytime, hyung.” And he looked as if he was about to say something else when Jinwook walked up.

“Hey Hwanhee, can I steal Minsoo from you for a bit?” Minsoo cocked a brow at the question, but didn’t say anything just yet. He felt a mix of confused, curious, and a little put out that he would soon have no one playing with his hair.

“Take him. He interrupted me anyway.”

“Yah,” Minsoo pouted, sitting up and turning to look at the youngest of the three. “It’s not like you were doing anything especially important.”

“I was _resting_.”

Minsoo just rolled his eyes and got back on his feet, ready to follow Jinwook to wherever the older wanted to go.

Jinwook took a loose hold on his wrist, and lead the brunet out of the (vocal) practice room and into the quiet hall outside.

“What’s up, Jin-hyung?”

“I just wanted to check on you. You were distracted during vocal warm ups and then kept messing up your harmonies. Honestly, you’ve been kind of out of it ever since that night in the kitchen last week. I didn’t want to say anything because at first you were find during activities and practice but you seem like you’re paying attention less and less. What’s going on?”

Jinwook’s hand slipped from Minsoo’s wrist down into his hand and the brunet really wasn’t sure what to say. During warm ups he had gotten distracted by Jinwook, and then proceeded to spend the following 5 minutes working furiously to get those thoughts out of his head. And then the harmonies he kept messing up had only been those he shared with Jinwook.

“I decided to contact that hyung of mine,” he chose to say instead. But Jinwook just stared at him, looking confused. “The one I mentioned before, when we were on the way back from getting ice cream from the convenience store.”

“Oh. What did you talk to him about?”

“Nothing really. It wasn’t a good time.”

“So why’re you so distracted? Is it because you keep thinking about it?”

“Kind of? He um, he offered to meet me instead of talking over the phone.” Jinwook didn’t say anything.

“I already talked to manager-hyung and he said it was fine for me to leave for a couple hours tomorrow between lunch and the magazine shoot in the afternoon.” Still nothing.

“My hyung texted me the address of a cafe he wants to meet at at it’s not that far from here.”

“That’s good.”

 

Minsoo decided to pull his hand away.

 

“I just want to ask him a few things and find out how he’s doing.”

“What kind of things?”

“Mostly I just want to know about uh,” he paused and checked to see if there was anyone within ear shot. “I wanted to ask him about how he knew he liked boys. I thought I was fine but I just feel really confused now.” His voice seemed so quiet, even to his own ears and he leaned down to rest his forehead on Jinwook’s shoulder. He didn’t know what he wanted, but he knew he didn’t want to look Jinwook in the eye, at least not for the moment. “I don’t really understand what’s going on with me, and you only just started figuring things out yourself. I guess I just wanted to talk to someone who's known for a long time.”

Jinwook’s arms reached up around him and pulled him close and Minsoo wanted to hug back. He wanted to take a break in those arms. He wanted his thoughts to stop racing, and for his nerves to stop buzzing even just for a moment. He wanted to feel normal again. But they didn’t stop and he didn’t feel any different. So he didn’t hug back. He just stood there and felt just a little bit like crying.

“If you want to go back to the dorm and rest I can tell the others you got a headache.” Jinwook’s voice wrapped around him and added to the comfort of it all, but Minsoo knew better than to take him up on the offer.

“No,” and he pulled out of Jinwook’s embrace trying to look better than he felt. “I probably need more practice than the rest of them. It doesn’t really seem like a good idea.”

“I can’t make you leave but know that if you change your mind and want to go, you just have to tell me and I’ll make sure no one asks after you.” And Jinwook ruffled his hair affectionately. “As leader, it’s my job to look out for all you kids so don’t hesitate to ask for something if you need it, alright?”

“Got it.”

“We should head back in, break ends a minute from now and you remember what seonsaengnim was like last time we weren’t all back in the room in time.” Minsoo just nodded and followed his hyung back into the room.

Maybe he should be using vocal practice as the distraction instead of the other way around.

So that’s what he tried to do.

He did a little better after talking to Jinwook (which seemed to boost the leader’s self-esteem) but he felt more drained than ever, ready to pass out the second his head hit the pillow.

 

*** *** *** *** ***

 

He didn’t know how much time had passed, but Minsoo was done caring.

All he wanted was for Jinwook to continue on from exactly where he had just left off. The kissing and sucking and marking his skin was all well and good (and god was it good), but now, this time, Jinwook was arousing him in all sorts of ways yet did nothing more than that, and wouldn’t let Minsoo touch himself either. All Minsoo could do was curl his fingers at his sides and try not to rutt his hips up into Jinwook’s chest as it grazed against his tip.

Jinwook’s hands were leaving goosebumps in their wake, his lips pressing hot kisses along Minsoo’s hips, leaving the younger’s dick unattended and almost painfully aroused from lack of stimulation, but the brunet really wasn’t in a position to complain. Minsoo had been waiting for this, and wasn’t going to give the older boy any ideas about delaying more than he already had. But he was almost whimpering, as if trying to beg without actually having to speak the words.

Then Jinwook’s lips travelled further down and Minsoo caught himself by surprise, moaning loudly and failing miserably in his attempt to stifle it with the back of his hand. He had imagined what it would be like, of course he had, but his imagination was nothing compared to the hot, slick heat that sucked him down, inch by inch.

He wanted to look. He wanted to watch as his hyung swallowed his length. He wanted to watch Jinwook reaching down to touch himself while still sucking him off. But he could do little but throw his head back in ecstasy and moan.

 

“ _.. soo-hyung.._ ”

 

Huh?

 

Why could he hear Hwanhee’s voice?

 

But he dismissed the thought and instead focused on how great it felt, how Jinwook’s strong hands were holding his hips still while the elder bobbed a steady rhythm. Broken moans left his lips, one of them sounding dangerously close to his hyung’s name.

 

“Hyung, get _up._ ”

And then Minsoo opened his eyes.

“Oh thank god, you’re finally awake. You were moaning and whining in your sleep and it was making everyone uncomfortable. I almost wish you could have seen Jinwook-hyung, he ran out so fast he almost tripped.” Minsoo wanted desperately to shut his eyes and go back to sleep where he couldn’t be embarrassed, but his hot cheeks and tight chest wouldn’t let him even if Hwanhee _did._ “We actually tried to wait for you to stop on your own but we ended up playing rock, paper, scissors to decide would have to come back in here. I lost.” _No shit_ , Minsoo wanted to say, but he bit his tongue and kept silent instead.

“Anyway, it must have been some dream you were having.” Hwanhee almost sounded jealous. Minsoo supposed it made sense, fantasies were the closest any of them had to any intimacy like that, but Minsoo couldn’t help but think Hwanhee would be distinctly less jealous if he found out what the dream had actually been.

“Yeah, some dream.” It had been so vivid, more vivid than anything he had imagined before. He hadn’t had a blowjob in real life but if it was anything like that dream it was something he could get used to. Aside from the fact it was Jinwook giving it to him.

Why couldn’t it have been from one of the girls he dreamt of before? He didn’t think he could look Jinwook in the eye now. At least not without remembering the sight of his glistening lips wrapped around the head of his cock.

He wasn’t even into dudes… right?

So maybe he definitely liked making out with Jinwook. And maybe he kinda liked the idea of someone who was strong enough to hold him in place. Maybe he really didn’t mind the lack of body parts he knew himself to be attracted to.

But that could mean just about anything. Maybe he was just into flat chested dominatrix girls but had no idea until now.

“Hyung are you even listening?”

“What? No, sorry. Can you say it again?”

“Nevermind, just get up. We have to get our hair and makeup done in a little over an hour. We have that Mnet shooting, remember?”

“Oh yeah. Just let me finish waking up and I’ll be up in a minute.”

“Okay. Hurry up if you want to have any breakfast. It was Ye In and Changhyun’s turn to make it and Sooil-hyung is fighting tooth and nail to save you some.”

“Got it.”

The younger male then left Minsoo alone with his thoughts again. It was a dangerous thing really, to be alone with his thoughts. Especially after a dream like that, and he didn’t know whether to be worried or relieved about meeting Minjun in the afternoon.

He didn’t know what to think or feel and suddenly wondered when he last felt neither of those things ~~but it wasn’t very recently, he could tell you that.~~


	6. sometimes is pays to be foolish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so basically i wrote one scene and it turned out to be well over 5000 words so this is long af and i'm sorry but have it anyway
> 
> also this turned out to be a little cuter than i expected but don't worry the story will still end the way you think it will

Sixteen minutes.

That’s how much time Minsoo has to wait before his meeting with Minjun.

Eight minutes.

That’s how long he’s been sitting there with his head down on the table.

His phone beeps. It’s a reminder for an event in his calendar. ‘ _Meet Minjun for coffee_ ’ the screen reads. Fifteen minutes left then.

 

He can’t bail out now. First of all, it would be inconsiderate to Minjun (who had actually agreed to meet him and who knows why that worked out), but beyond that, Minsoo is too invested. He made the trip all the way there, he had told the others he would be gone for a couple hours, he had even briefed Jinwook on everything before he left so if he were to head home now, who knows what Jinwook would say to him.

He groans and puts his head back on the table. His phone sits in his hand, the screen is still lit with the notification but he can’t be bothered to deal with it.

He wants his thoughts to quiet down, for his mind to stop racing about and let him rest for a moment. Of course that doesn’t happen, but that's why it’s a want and not a reality. So his mind wanders more. What did he even want to know? He figures he’ll make it up as he goes along. He figures he’ll think of questions or things to talk about as the conversation progresses. He figures it’ll all work out somehow. At least, that’s what he’s hoping for.

 

His phone beeps again. He forgot that the phone beeps a second time if you don’t deal with the notification. He doesn’t move this time though. He knows what caused the noise and he knows it won’t happen again.

His eyes are closed and buried in the crook of his elbow, so he opts to listen to his surroundings instead of looking around mindlessly.

There’s what he assumes to be a couple somewhere off to his left. The boy says something about being nervous. The girl giggles and Minsoo can practically imagine the blush on her face. Maybe they’re not a couple yet, but if those six seconds were any indication, they would be before long.

There’s a pair of women too, they sound a bit closer than the other couple, but they’re no louder. Probably just soft spoken people, Minsoo thinks. One of them says something about a father, and the other seems to agree. It’s probably a mother and daughter. Minsoo starts to wonder when he last spoke to his mother. He decides it was too long ago (maybe two weeks at most but he’s a bit of a momma’s boy so that really is far too long) and decides to call her later in the day if the opportunity shows itself.

There’s also a group of boys, probably in middle school. Minsoo thinks he spotted them when he walked in. They’re talking about their school’s soccer team. Minsoo gathers at least a few of the group are on the team. He hasn’t played soccer in while. He isn’t exceptionally good, but he’s okay, and he likes the game. Maybe he’ll suggest his members play a quick game next time they went out to play for a bit.

 

“Minsoo?”

 

And Misoo raises his head to face the person who called his name. It’s suddenly very bright and it takes a few moments as his eyes adjust back to the light off the cafe. It’s Minjun. Minsoo glances at the clock on his phone. Minjun is a little early. Eight minutes to be specific, but he doesn’t really care and he supposes it’s because Minjun probably took the bus over. The buses only run so often, if Minjun took a later one, he might have been late.

“Ah, hyung, hi. It’s nice to see you again.” And he nods and straightens his posture as the elder boy takes the seat across from him. He pulls his hood off his head too, and rubs his eyes quickly to help his eyes go completely back to normal.

“You too, Min-ah,” and Minjun smiles widely at him.

“You look good.” Minjun really does. Minsoo suddenly wonders if he’s always looked like this but the younger just never bothered to pay enough attention to notice. He has sharp features and a strong jawline, but his eyes are as kind as Minsoo remembers. His hair is lighter now, probably dyed but Minsoo thinks it suits him. It suits him really well and it’s not until Minjun raises an eyebrow with a smirk making it’s way onto his lips that Minsoo realizes he’s been staring. “I just mean, you’ve changed a lot in the last couple years. You look all mature and cool now.”

“Ah, well thanks, kid.” Minjun is smiling again and Minsoo feels his heart race a little bit. He thinks it’s just nerves, he wants it to just be nerves. “You’ve changed a lot too. You were always a cute little kid but you’ve really shot up since I last saw you, huh. The idol life seems to be good for you.” Minsoo just nods and smiles. Hs height is generally the first thing people note has changed, but he doesn’t mind. He quite likes his height, and he likes the reminder. “You’ve gotten more handsome too. I bet you’ve got loads of fans.”

“I’m working on it,” Minsoo says half jokingly. “But I guess being as good looking as me helps a little bit.” Fake it ‘til you make it, right? But Minjun laughs, so he figures he’s done something right.

“I see you haven’t gotten anything yet, so order what you want. Hyung’s treat.”

“Thanks, I think I’ll just get a French Vanilla latte. Do you want to go place the order together?” Minjun shakes his head.

“It’s alright. Just wait here and I’ll be back with the drinks soon enough.”

Minsoo nods, and his eyes follow Minjun as the elder goes up to the counter to order the drinks. It seems Minjun’s fashion sense improved too. He used to dress mainly for comfort, and didn’t put too much effort into what he wore. No one really minded it, but Minsoo gathers that something changed after entering university. Maybe he started dating someone who wanted him to put more effort in. Seems like the most likely reason. Minsoo wonders what kind of people he dated. Maybe he’s even dating someone now. Minsoo wonders if it’s a girl or a boy. Either way, they’re very lucky to be dating someone like Minjun. Even back when they were close, Minsoo had thought Minjun would make a good boyfriend. He's really good at taking care of people. He's smart too. And good looking apparently.

Then Minsoo realizes he’s staring again, so he turns his eyes to look out the window nearby and pretends not to notice the tips of his ears feeling a little warmer than usual.

It’s cloudy out, and Minsoo can see a few people carrying their umbrellas in case it starts to rain. He doesn’t think it will and he doesn’t think they think it will either, but it’s always good to be prepared. He would have grabbed one as well had he not be rushing out the door to catch the right bus.

He glances back to Minjun to find his hyung making small talk with the barista as she makes the drinks. She smiles and Minsoo thinks she’s trying to flirt. He thinks he feels a little proud to see that, but he doesn’t really know why. He also feels a little jealous, and that feeling is even more unexpected. He imagines it’s because she’s taking to Minjun and he isn’t. But Minjun is here to see him, and speak to him, and answer his questions. So Minsoo decides he doesn’t really mind. After all, Minjun has always been the type to be friendly with everyone he meets. It’s hard not to like someone like him.

Minjun is walking back towards him now, but he doesn’t think the older noticed his staring again and feels a little relieved.

“One French Vanilla latte for you, and one regular coffee for me,” Minjun says, placing the drinks down on the table before he sits again.

“Thanks, hyung.” Minsoo quickly removes the lid, allowing the drink to cool a little faster. He sees Minjun do the same and they grin when they meet each other’s gaze. It’s surprisingly comfortable despite having not seen each other or spoken in so long and Minsoo has never felt more glad for something as that.

 

They start with small talk. Minjun asks about life as a rookie idol, and Minsoo asks about university and studying engineering. Then things relax a bit more and they start to fall into old habits. They’re laughing and swapping stories and Minsoo realizes just how much he missed this, how much he missed Minjun. Things had always been effortless between the two of them. They’d been naturally close from the beginning, and Minsoo’s heart aches for all the time he has lost out on.

And after a while the tone of the conversation changes. As much as they’d like to sit there and catch up, Misoo had called for a reason and Minjun suggested they meet so that they could actually talk about it.

 

“So, you sounded a little odd on the phone yesterday and you asked something I never would have thought you would ask,” Minjun seems a little more serious now, but there’s no trace of judgment in his tone. He only sounds like he wants to know what’s going on, like he’s concerned. “What’s going on?” So Minsoo buries the guilt that’s starting to bubble up again, and takes a deep breath as he tries to figure out how to start.

His chest feels tight again, and he’s glad of the drink to keep his hands from moving aimlessly and awkwardly.

“Can you answer my question from yesterday first?” He can hear how hesitant he sounds, but he can’t help it. He’s not ready to talk about himself yet. He’s not sure if he’ll talk about himself at all if he has the option. For now, he’d much rather just hear about Minjun and hope something the older says turns out to be helpful.

“Sure, if that’s easier for you,” Minjun sounds so understanding and Minsoo visibly relaxes, inciting a small but amused smile from Minjun. “I think I had always sort of been attracted to guys, I just didn’t realize it for a long time. For a while, I guess I just didn’t realize boys were an option, so the thought never really crossed my mind.” Minsoo nods, prompting the other to continue. He supposes it makes sense.

“Then I met a boy in school. He had transferred in and seemed to have trouble making friends so I sort of took him under my wing. We became friends and grew close, and eventually he confessed to me.” Minsoo raises an eyebrow, clearly interested in the rest of the story.

“He told me to at least think about it before turning him down.... poor guy didn’t think he had a chance but he wanted to tell me how he felt anyway.” And Minjun looks down at his coffee with a fondness Minsoo’s never seen him with before. “So I thought about it, and before the end of the night I realized that the like I had for him was definitely not the kind of thing you feel towards someone who’s just your friend. After that we started dating, and I started realizing that the things I originally thought I admired objectively, weren’t really objective at all.”

Suddenly Minsoo wonders if that’s why Minjun had told him about liking boys all that time ago, because he had found a boyfriend and had wanted to introduce Minsoo to him. Minsoo should have reacted differently, better than he had. Maybe they’d still be close if he hadn’t been so dumb.

“Is that the answer you were looking for?”

“Not sure if I’m being honest. I don’t think there was anything I was really looking for, I guess it was just kind of something I wanted to hear about.”

“Fair enough. Anything else you wanted to ask?”

Minsoo shakes his head.

“Do want to tell me what started all this now?”

Minsoo shakes his head again. This time Minjun laughs and it’s so joyful Minsoo wants to laugh along. He doesn’t, but he definitely feels the pull.

“Then let me ask it this way, _will_ you tell me what’s going on?”

And this time Minsoo nods, but he doesn’t speak right away. He needs time to think. He also feels like there’s not enough time in the world.

 

“I think the easiest way to explain is to start by asking you something. You said you were following UP10TION a little right?” Minjun nods. “Have you seen the choreography for our new title track?” This time Minjun shakes his head, which makes things a little more difficult but Minsoo is in just that little bit too deep to back out.

“Ah, okay. Well there’s this one part where Jinwook hyung basically seduces me." His explanation is slow, and he feels sheepish but he continues anyway. "His fingers walk up my thigh and he kind of stares me down as I lean back until I hit the floor.” Minjun’s eyebrow is raised and he looks, intrigued maybe? But he doesn’t say anything yet.

“Well after we first learned the choreography, Jinwook started acting weird and I asked him about it. He confessed that he wasn’t really sure how to feel about the whole thing, but he was pretty sure he liked having me under him like that. I started freaking out a little bit when he said that. It was really late and I was exhausted and I really just didn’t have the ability to deal with it then so we agreed to talk about it later and I went to bed.” Minsoo can see Minjun recalling their past and he feels guilty all over again. He doesn’t know how to apologize, so he resolves to just continue explaining and hopes that will be enough for now.

“It was a while before we had the chance to talk about it again, but when we did, Jinwook still didn’t really understand how he felt about the whole thing. He didn’t know whether he liked me, or if he liked guys in general, or some mix of the two, so I kind of offered to try and help.” Minjun stifles a laugh and Minsoo feels his face heat up. But Minjun doesn’t actually say anything so he won’t either. But he felt embarrassed talking about it all from the start and Minjun is not making it any easier.

“At first it was fine. There was just a little more skinship than before, and I figured if that helped him figure things out, I wanted to do what I could... Then he asked to kiss me which was still totally fine, since I was the one that, you know, offered to try and help in the first place.” Suddenly it’s hard to look Minjun in the eye, so Minsoo opts to stare down his latte instead.

“So we kissed. And some stuff,” the two had certainly talked about girls and dating in the past, but after so long to suddenly go back into details seemed a little too much for the moment. And Minsoo glances up, because as much as he doesn't want to look his hyung in the eye, he needs to see the elder's reaction to all this. “And I liked it, like a lot. He kept doing this thing, where--” but Minjun looks like he’s holding back a laugh again so Minsoo doesn’t finish the sentence.

“ _Anyway,_ I couldn’t really tell whether I liked it because he was a guy or because it felt good, but I got really confused and distracted after. I kept thinking about it and it kept making me think of you and then I was looking at your contact and suddenly I called and you picked up and now here we are.”

“Sounds like a rough time,” but instead of the sarcasm Minsoo expects, Minjun’s voice is filled with sympathy. It wraps him in a warm and comforting blanket and Minsoo feels so relieved not to be judged. Because Minjun understands him. He understands the confusion. He understands the need to ask someone who might have answers.

“I keep thinking about Jinwook now too. Whenever I look at him I keep thinking about how it felt when we kissed, or how his hands held me. Oh god, hyung I’m even _dreaming_ about him.” Minsoo’s head hangs in his hands now and he feels like it’s a blessing that he can’t see the look on Minjun’s face when the elder responds.

“Dreaming, or like… _dreaming_?” And suddenly Minsoo feels just a little bit like trying to drown himself in what little of his drink remained. It definitely wouldn’t work, but the urge was still there.

“Both?”

“Okay, well do you think you like him?”

“I don’t _know_ ,” and he feels so exasperated. “If I knew I probably wouldn’t have called you, you know.” Minsoo knows how it sounds, but he can’t help it.

“Fair enough.” Again with the no judgment and Minsoo feels a lot like he doesn’t deserve it. “So what do you want to get out of talking to me?” Minsoo looks back up at him now. He doesn’t know. He hadn’t really thought about it. He somehow just expected to leave with his thoughts in order and that Minjun would somehow have the magical answer to all his problems.

“I guess I just hoped you could help me feel less confused about everything.” Well, technically that’s true. “Didn’t really think about how that would happen though.”

 

“Are you done your latte?”

“Just about, why?”

“Want to walk around for a bit?”

“Sure.”

Minsoo swallows the last few mouthfuls of his drink and quickly meets Minjun out front of the cafe after tossing his empty cup in the garbage. It’s then he realizes that most of the customers had their drinks in porcelain mugs and that Minjun must have gotten their drinks to-go. It hurts a little, but he understands why. He probably would have done the same.

 

“Hold out your hand,” Minjun instructs. Minsoo doesn’t really get it, but he does so anyway and is only met with more confusion when he sees and feels Minjun’s fingers slip between his own.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like, dummy, I’m holding your hand.” Then Minjun raises their intertwined fingers as if for further proof.

“Yeah, I know that, but _why_?”

“I’m trying to see if I can make your heart flutter.” Minsoo immediately pulls back his hand like he’s been burned (and tries to ignore the way his skin misses the heat).

“Don’t do things like that, it’s not funny.” MInsoo’s looking down now, and his words are half in mumbles but he knows Minjun will catch it all. Otherwise, what was the point?

“Yah!” And Minjun takes his hand again, lacing their fingers together too. “Who said I’m being funny? Let’s spend the next half hour like we’re on a date. If I can make your heart flutter, then you can figure out if you’re just confused or if you really do like men.”

It’s not the worst idea, and Minsoo certainly thinks it’s better than doing everything he did with Jinwook all over again.

“Fine. At this point I’ll try just about anything.”

 

So they start walking again and Minjun pulls Minsoo’s hand with his own into the depths of his pocket. When they’re standing side by side like that, it’s easier for Minsoo to tell how tall Minjun is. They’re fairly close in height, Minsoo thinks, but really Minjun is a few centimeters taller. They must look like quite the pair. Two above averagely tall, ~~good looking guys,~~ holding hands and walking in complete silence. It feels strange to be walking around like that and Minsoo glances at the people on the street around them, but no one seems to notice or care so he relaxes a bit.

“Hey Minsoo.”

“What is it?”

“What do you think about that guy over there? He’s kinda cute, think he’s your type?”

“Yah! Hyung!” And Minsoo tries to pull his hand away out of embarrassment but Minjun’s grip tightens just enough to keep his fingers from slipping away.

“You didn’t answer my question?”

“I don’t know. Maybe? I don’t know if I even have a type yet. Or if I’ll ever have a type for that matter.”

“Says the boy who had a wet dream about his hyung.”

“I never said it was a wet dream... don’t put words into my mouth like that.” And Minsoo’s ears are burning. “I woke up too quickly for that anyway,” he adds in a low mumble.

“Sorry, didn’t quite catch that. Mind saying it again?” Minjun’s shoulder nudges him.

“Oh, piss off, Minjun.” Minsoo shoves back just a little.

“Dropping the honourifics now, are we?” Minjun’s head drops in close, more leaning into Minsoo than nudging this time.

“If I was really on a date with someone older than me, do you honestly think I’d be using honourifics?” And that shuts Minjun up for a moment, forcing the elder back into a normal posture.

“Guess not. But this is only pretend so you still have to call me hyung.”

“What ever helps you sleep at night,” Minsoo sighs. But he’s having fun. They both are.

“What do you normally do on your dates?”

“Pretty much what we’re doing right now. I like to do things where it’s easy to talk. I mean, I like movies or concerts as much as the next guy, but I’d much rather to something where I can spend the date focusing _on_ my date, and not something else.”

“That’s oddly romantic of you, hyung.”

“Don’t patronize me, kid, I’ve gotten way more romantic since we last talked about date ideas.” And Minsoo starts to wonder just what that means when he’s suddenly pulled to a stop in front of a stall.

“Two please.” And while Minjun is digging out a couple thousand won, Minsoo takes in the sight and smells now filling the air. They aren't holding hands anymore, and while his hand feels cold without the contact, he's too distracted by the food in front of him to really care.

“Ah… I love hotteok.” Minsoo is grinning widely, watching eagerly as the next batch of pancakes is put onto the griddle. He almost whines as he’s pulled away but soon enough a cup is shoved into his hands and Minjun is leaning over to blow on the pancake folded up inside.

“I know,” he says, already pulling back, ready to start cooling off his own as they start to walk again. “Careful it’s hot,” but Minsoo pays no mind to the warning and takes a sizable bite before his mouth feels aflame and he’s huffing out air in an attempt to cool down the food he has yet to swallow. Minjun is laughing again and Minsoo has mock betrayal in his features (though heavily masked by the very real feeling of the food in his mouth being far too hot.)

Finally the mouthful cools down enough to chew and swallow.

“What did you mean when you said ' I know? '”

“Huh?”

“I said ' I love hotteok ' and you said ' I know '.”

“Oh, that,” and Minjun finishes the bit of pancake in his mouth before he starts talking again. “Dunno exactly when, but you've mentioned it before at some point.”

“And you actually remembered that?”

“Apparently.” Suddenly Minsoo’s heart feels as warm as the food in his hand. “Honestly I was a little worried I was remembering wrong, but when I saw the stall and how short of a line there was, I took a risk.”

“Well thanks,” and Minsoo leans into the other for a brief moment. They’re still walking, but now falling back into silence (excluding the sounds of lips smacking and their food being eaten away with vigor).

Soon enough they finish, drop their trash into a garbage as they pass it, and their hands seem to naturally find their way back together. Minsoo wonders if all dates are this easy, and then his chest feels tight again as he realizes he referred to it as a date. It wasn’t, not really. It probably wouldn’t end well if he stopped pretending and started really believing it, so he won’t do that.

 

“How long before you have to head out for your schedule?”

“Um,” Minsoo checks the clock on his phone. He actually missed the bus he had originally planned on catching, but he knew he would still be fine so long as he got on the next one that came. Judging from how far they were from the stop, he probably wouldn’t make that one either, but he doesn’t feel like worrying about it yet. He’s enjoying himself a little too much and decides that a quick scolding is well worth it. “My bus comes in another fifteen minutes or so, why?”

“Would you be able to stay out longer if I drove you instead of you taking the bus?”

“I guess so. I mean the staff and members won’t really mind as long as I’m where I need to be in time to get my hair and makeup fixed. But I didn’t know you drove. Didn’t you used to say cars were stupid and that it made more sense to just  use public transportation?”

“Ah, you see _that_ was before I could afford a car of my own.” Minjun squeezes Minsoo’s hand a little bit, and the younger stifles a laugh.

“You really haven’t changed much, have you?”

“Is that your way of saying I haven’t matured at all since I was seventeen?”

“You said it, not me.”

They’re both laughing now. Giggling and bickering and Minsoo hasn’t felt so stress free in a while. Eventually, Minjun leads them both to where he parked his car. It’s nothing too extravagant or out of the ordinary. It’s just a dark grey Sonata that blends in with all the other dozens of Sonatas around them. But Minjun still looks at the car as if it’s his baby.

He opens the door for Minsoo which earns him an odd look from the younger, but there’s no verbal complain and Minsoo quickly seats himself in the car. Minjun jogs around to the driver’s side and not two minutes later, they’re on their way. Minsoo isn’t sure exactly where they’re going and Minjun hasn’t asked for the address for his next schedule so he figures this is just another part of the impromptu ~~date~~   _not_ date, and likely the reason Minjun asked about how much longer he has. From what he can tell, they’re still heading in the general direction of where he needs to end up, so Minsoo can’t be bothered to worry about it.

So he isn’t worried, but he’s definitely curious.

“Where are we going?”

“No idea. I’m just kind of driving around.”

“ _Why?_ ” Minjun shrugs, but doesn’t take his eyes off the road. “Seriously hyung, what’s the point of this?”

“It’s a proven fact that people feel more comfortable talking in cars. Don’t argue with me, it’s science.” And Minsoo’s pretty sure that the so called _fact_ is baseless but he won’t say anything about that.

“Is there something you want to talk about?”

“Do you think there’s nothing we _should_ talk about?”

“I don’t know.” Minsoo falls quiet after he answers and Minjun doesn’t press him further.

“Did I make your heart flutter at all?” Minjun finally asks, and it’s at a red light too so he looks at Minsoo at the same time.

“Only because you kept surprising me.”

“Are you sure?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Huh.”

 

It’s quiet again. And after a few minutes, Minjun gets Minsoo to input the address of where he needs to go into the car’s GPS. But they don’t say anything after that.

Minsoo’s lost in thought as he stares out the window, and Minjun seems to be thinking hard all on his own. And neither of them really notice that they’re holding hands behind the gear shift until Minjun goes to park in the lot behind the building Minsoo needs to be heading into.

But Minsoo still has a few minutes, so they decide to sit in the car and talk for a little while longer.

“Hey Minsoo-ah.”

“Yes?”

“I know you were hoping for some quick fix, and I tried, but honestly, my best advice is just to wait it out. Try not to think about it too much if you can help it. It will all sort itself out in the end and there’s no rush to get there.” And Minjun reaches forward to ruffle the younger’s hair affectionately while Minsoo tries to take the words to heart. He knows it’s the truth, but he really can’t be blamed for wanting something fast and easy.

“Thanks, Minjun-hyung. I had a lot of fun.”

They’re just staring at each other now, and Minsoo’s eyes flicks to Minjun’s lips. It’s not that he wants to kiss, at least he doesn’t think he does, but he does wonder what it would be like. He thinks Minjun’s kisses would be controlled, probably a lot less sloppy than the few he’s shared with Jinwook because neither of them were especially practiced. Minjun had a couple years on them both and had dated far more people than either of them combined.

But he’s so caught up in his thoughts that Minjun is suddenly much closer before Minsoo can really register the movement. Warm breath tickles his lips before soft lips graze against his own as if to test to see whether or not Minsoo would pull away. But when he doesn’t, nothing happens so he takes it upon himself to close the distance and kisses the older male.

He’s right. It’s very different from kissing Jinwook. It’s definitely not bad and he decides kissing is nice no matter who it’s with, but despite Minjun being slightly better at kissing, Minsoo can’t help but feel a little disappointed. The lips he kisses are soft and gentle, but there’s no tension. They’re by no means thin, but they’re not the fullness he started to become accustomed to.

Minsoo’s hand sneaks up, finding it’s way to rest on the elder’s neck, his thumb draped across the other’s sharp jawline. Minsoo decides he likes that. It’s a nice jawline, and he thinks about kissing along it, but the thought isn’t one he wants to realize. Instead he ends things with one final simple and chaste kiss.

They both pull away, and Minsoo doesn’t feel as out of breath as he thought he might have. He doesn’t dwell on it though, he’s too distracted by the expectant look on Minjun’s face.

“So… how was it?” the elder questions. “After all, no date is complete without a goodbye kiss.”

“It was good, I think.” And he pauses. He knows what he wants to say, but he’s still a little afraid to ask. “...Would it be weird if I said I was comparing you to Jinwook in my mind?”

“Not at all. I fully expected it actually.”

“Oh.” Minsoo isn’t really sure how to respond to that, and Minjun can’t really blame him. “That doesn’t mean anything, right?” Minjun shakes his head, coupled with that warm smile Minsoo remembers well and it's a relief to see.

“Not unless you want it to, but I don’t think I could date an idol anyway.” Minsoo isn’t really sure how to respond to that one either, but this time he really doesn’t try to.

“I get that. Anyway, I should really get going.”

“Alright. Work hard, and don’t wait so long to call me again, alright? We’ve both matured and changed a lot from before. I’d like to go back to being close.”

“I’d like that a lot, hyung,” Minsoo’s grinning again and for the first time, he doesn’t feel so guilty about how they left off. “Let’s meet up again. Soon, only, without the pretend date part next time.”

“Whatever you want, kid. Now leave before you’re late.” Minsoo nods and gets out of the car. He heads towards the door to the building in a half jog, but he turns back in time to watch the car pull out of the lot.

 

Minsoo thinks he’s a little less confused about everything. Maybe he likes boys just a little bit more than he realized. But now he’s confused for a whole new reason and wonders if he likes Jinwook just a little bit more than he should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and just for a bit of clarification on what happened between Minsoo and Minjun before they drifted apart, Minsoo does feel a lot of guilt, but he never treated Minjun badly and there wasn't every any bad blood between them. mostly, Minsoo just kind of made things awkward with his reaction and things started to feel forced. i just wanted to mention that in case anyone was confused by the all the guilt mixed with how unconditional Minjun's forgiveness was.
> 
> also Minjun is like about two years older than Minsoo in my mind


	7. confusion makes for excellent motivation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes dreams really do come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO it's been over a week and i'm sorry for that but once you read it maybe you'll understand why it took me a bit longer this time (hint: it's long as fuck). half of it is basically filler but i think it's important to kind of show that their lives don't revolve around sexual confusion, ya know?
> 
> also the MinHee is strong with this one wow oops but like adorable hyung/dongsaeng relationship so i'm not complaining
> 
> anyway smut ahead so be prepared for that also i'm sorry if it's not the best but like i tried and that's what counts ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Minsoo thought it was a miracle none of the members besides himself and Jinwook had any idea of what was going on. They’d have noticed that Minsoo was a bit off for a while, but he’s more or less fine now, and they certainly hadn’t picked up on any increased skinship between himself and Jinwook.

And Jinwook must have started seeing this as a game.

This newfound playfulness took many forms. Sometimes it was lingering touches, a hand on his thigh a little higher than it might have normally been, a subtle kiss to the nape of his neck during a back hug, or maybe it was that while holding hands, the elder would rub his thumb back and forth on the younger’s skin in a fashion that Minsoo couldn’t tell was soothing or seductive.

But Jinwook was really good at this new game, and nothing he did under anyone’s gaze seemed out of place. So Minsoo went along with it. He didn’t try and play it himself, but he definitely didn’t try to deter Jinwook from playing.

He pretended he didn’t miss the missing warmth at the end of a touch, he pretended not to notice the way he’d shiver and feel goosebumps up his spine when there were lips on his skin, he pretended that Jinwook’s thumb movement was done subconsciously and therefore nothing worth thinking about. But it was all just pretending and they both knew it.

 

“Hyung, it’s our turn,” Hwanhee called out with a nudge to Minsoo’s side and it brings him back to reality.

The group had another one of their rare evenings off and while it was unanimously voted to spend it together, the vote on _how_ to spend their time had been split four different ways. The result of it all, ended up being karaoke.

“Alright,” and he rubbed his hands together excitedly as he started searching for the song they had picked out about six members ago.

Ye In had just finished singing a ballad song so the energy in the room had begun to wind down a bit. In Minsoo’s mind, there couldn’t have been a more perfect time to bring out a banger like _Bang Bang Bang_.

The second the name appeared on the screen the mood instantly lifted. Everyone cheered excitedly, eagerly starting to clap along with the track.

Hwanhee took the first part of the verse and Minsoo started gearing up for the rap he was sure he’d do no justice to, but it was all for fun and no one cared that he wasn’t a rapper.

By the time the chorus hit, the entire group was on their feet and dancing around. At some point Wooseok started yelling into Hwanhee’s mic too but everyone was having too good of a time to care that it wasn’t his turn, Hwanhee included.

During the faster rap part, Minsoo started to fumble his words a bit and Sungjun appeared beside him like some kind of rapping saviour, saying the words along with him to ease him through the struggle. It was fun though. It didn’t matter if he got some of the words wrong.

Minsoo sang G-Dragon’s part right before the break down too, and then everyone was shouting the bridge, dancing around the room in the messiest fashion and even those who had been against doing karaoke in the first place seemed to have fully enjoyed the outing anyway.

Then the song ended. Minsoo’s chest was heaving, and he felt a little sweaty but he was grinning and he heard some of the others laughing.

“You know,” Changkyun said as he slung an arm around Minsoo’s shoulders, ”you aren’t half bad at rapping.” He winked too but then he was whisked away as it was his turn next. Minsoo thought he heard something about _Guilty_ with Yujin too but he decided he’d rather focus on locating his drink somewhere in the mess of snacks that covered the table.

 

After what seemed like forever, he found it. He more or less plopped himself down on the couch and started to drink, his throat feeling blissful from the cool relief of his cola. Someone shifted closer and he felt an arm fall onto his already warm shoulders. He saw it was Jinwook and sunk into their side without a second thought.

“Gross, you’re all sweaty,” the elder said, but he made no move to pull away.

“If you really minded you would have moved away by now,” Minsoo shot back before taking another swig of his cola.

“Touché.”

Minsoo blinked at him, looking a little lost.

“What was that?”

“French. I read about it the other day. I’m pretty sure the translation is ‘ _touch_ ’ but it means like… It’s something you’d say the end of an argument or point that you’d just lost.”

“I didn’t know you read.”

“ _Yah!_ ” but Jinwook was laughing and smiling with his eyes so Minsoo knew he wasn’t in trouble. Instead he just put his drink back down on the table and relaxed back into the elder’s side. Minsoo was a bit too tall and it was a little uncomfortable from all the heat, but neither of them cared enough about the discomfort to stop.

 

They didn’t say anything for a while either, instead distracted by Changkyun and Yujin’s performance. The two always did have good performance chemistry, Minsoo thought to himself. Maybe one day they’d do a song with just the two of them, it’d definitely sound good if they did.

Then during an instrumental lull towards the end of the song, a thought struck him.

“Do you know any other French?” _It’s the language of love,_ Minsoo thought, _I bet that would get you even more girls than speaking in English does_.

“Not really. I know a couple words though. Bonjour, baguette, omlette du fromage,” and Minsoo didn’t know what any of it meant but it sounded nice so he didn’t bother asking (except ‘ _bonjour_ ’, that one he knew.) “That’s it except for the one full phrase I know, I’ve been practicing for when we get really big and get to go overseas.”

“What is it then?”

“Je t’aime.”

Minsoo didn’t know that one either.

“Short phrase, what does it mean?”

“ _I love you_ ,” but this time when Jinwook said it, he leaned in closely and his breath tickled against Minsoo’s ear. Maybe that was a part of the game too, or maybe he said it for only Minsoo to hear so that none of the other members would overhear and think weirdly of it without any context. There was also the thought that maybe (just maybe) Jinwook meant it as more than just a translation. That same thought made Minsoo’s chest feel tight and his ears feel as hot as the warmth created from their shared body heat.

“Is that a confession?” Minsoo teased without missing a beat and at first Jinwook only winked in response.

“Maybe,” and then the leader smirked and got up and Minsoo hadn’t even realized that the elder’s turn to sing had come already. His side felt cold despite being warm enough to sweat and Minsoo reached forward for his drink again. He had some only a few minutes ago, but already his throat felt dry.

 

Jinwook was turning out to be a hazard for his health.

 

He decided he was done singing after that, and contented himself with watching all the others sing, rap, and occasionally dance around. Soon enough after that, their time in the room was up and they had to make their way back to the dorm.

It was nice weather, and although it was cool, it wasn’t so cold that any of them wanted more layers than they already had on them. So they walked.

“Hee-ah, come here,” Minsoo called out and as soon as the younger was close enough, he laced their fingers and began swinging their hands childishly between them.

“You’re in a good mood,” Hwanhee observed with a laugh and Minsoo shrugged.

“Why wouldn’t I be? We’ve got the night off and we don’t even have to be up ridiculously early tomorrow.”

“I know, I just meant that you’ve been kind of stressed since promotions started and it’s good to see you so relaxed.” Minsoo feels the younger give his hand a squeeze, so he does it right back.

“Oh, yeah. I’m definitely feeling better now.” Another squeeze.

“Good.” There’s his squeeze back.

At some point it turned into a less than friendly competition that ended with Hwanhee yielding in pain after Minsoo had managed to find the best grip around the younger’s knuckles. They were laughing too and Minsoo wrapped an arm around the Hwanhee’s shoulders while the latter rubbed at his aching hand.

“Is this any way to treat your favourite dongsaeng?”

“What does Dongyeol have to do with this?”

“ _Hyung_ ,” and Hwanhee looked so offended Minsoo couldn’t help but laugh more. He did try to apologize and console between giggles though.

“ _Aigoo_ , sorry. Hyung-ie is sorry, I’ll even buy you meal to make up for it, sound good?” He’s still laughing a little, but he’s mostly calmed down and opts for a constant smile instead.

“Meat?” Hwanhee asked once before switching to use aegyo. “Please buy me meat, hyung.”

“I mean I was thinking _ramen_ but sure. It won’t be all you can eat though.”

“Deal!” And Hwanhee grinned so widely Minsoo couldn’t help but ruffle the younger’s hair affectionately. What can he say, he wasn’t the strongest when it came to his dongsaengs acting cute.

 

Soon after that, Dongyeol called Hwanhee over but Minsoo was only left alone for a moment before slowing until he was walking beside Sooil and Jinwook.

“The kids have so much energy,” Jinwook mused and the others laughed.

“I mean, it’s our fault. We were the ones that let them eat that much candy,” Sooil answered back and Jinwook just shrugs.

“The sale was too good to pass up on and if it would be cruel if we bought it and didn’t actually let them eat it.”

“Yah!” Sooil yelled suddenly. “Don’t run off so far!” But the maknaes made no indication that they’d heard, making Sooil grumble before he jogged off after them. So Minsoo closed the space between himself and Jinwook now that Sooil was no longer walking between them.

“Are you tired?” The brunet asked after moment of quiet.

“A little. Not enough to go to sleep for a while though, why?”

“Want to take a shower with me?”

Jinwook’s lips curved up into a surprised smile and his eyebrows rose to match. Minsoo was implying an unexpected proposal and it was only right for Jinwook to be surprised by it. It’s not like the younger male had ever been the instigator of any of their more intimate encounters.

“Sure. I don’t think many, or any actually, of the other members will want to shower so we wouldn’t have to rush and make sure there’s hot water for the others.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Yep.”

Their hands linked together and Minsoo wondered if his heart is beating so hard that Jinwook could feel his pulse through his hand.

He wasn’t even really sure why he asked. He hadn’t planned on asking, and he certainly didn’t know what he wanted to do once they were in the washroom together. They hadn’t done anything beyond kissing and touching and the occasional hickey since the last time they showered together. Last time he had done all the touching too, did he want Jinwook to touch him back?

 

Maybe he just had to try things and see how they went.

 

He was so caught up in his thoughts, he didn’t realize they had even reached the dorm until Jinwook was pulling him through the door to the building.

Upon entering the shared living space, most of the group dispersed to one area or another and thankfully none of them showed interest in using the washroom.

And so, in less than five minutes, Minsoo found himself alone in the washroom with Jinwook and the door locked behind them. Jinwook walked over to the shower and turned on the water so that it could warm up.

 

“I don’t know what I’m doing!” Minsoo blurted out all of the sudden and had the scene not been so funny, Jinwook would have comforted the brunet instead of laughing like he did. “It’s not funny,” Minsoo added.

“If it makes you feel any better I don’t really know what I’m doing either.”

“That makes me feel even worse. At least _one_ of us should know.”

“Then ignore what I just said, I’m a fountain of knowledge.”

“Very funny, hyung,” but it _was_ funny, and it made him feel a little less apprehensive.

Then Jinwook moved closer and Minsoo wasn’t sure if he wanted to remove any space between them or apologize and run out of the room. Was this how Jinwook felt when Minsoo had first offered to help him figure things out?

 

But then arms wrapped around him and held him in a tight hug.

“You looked like you needed one.”

Minsoo didn’t answer, but he hugged back and hoped his thanks would be communicated that way.

They stayed like that.

 

Five seconds.

Ten seconds.

Fifteen seconds.

 

And then it occurred to Minsoo that Jinwook wouldn’t be the first to release, and the second his own arms loosened, the elder followed suit.

 

“Can I kiss you?”

Minsoo still hated being asked, he didn’t like that he was given the opportunity to tuck tail and run. He’d never voice the sentiment though. So he nodded and the two lean in until their lips touch.

It only took a moment before they completely fall into their routine with Jinwook’s hands gripping his hip bones and Minsoo’s hands wrapped around the nape of his hyung’s neck. Then Jinwook’s hands slid up and brought Minsoo’s shirt with them. Minsoo shied away from the elder’s touch at that, opting to remove the shirt himself and pretending his cheeks weren’t feeling so flush. It may seem like an odd line, but he didn’t want Jinwook to undress him (at least not in this kind of context).

“Your turn,” the brunet said quietly, tugging at the edge of Jinwook’s cotton shirt. It was soft and part of Minsoo wanted to curl his fingers into the fabric, but he didn’t. Instead he let go and waited for Jinwook to remove it himself.

The blonde quickly obliged before moving forward and backing Minsoo against the sink, their hips met before their lips did, but Jinwook was growing more confident with his movements and with a swipe of his tongue Minsoo was relieved, opting to relax into the elder’s commanding touch.

Jinwook tasted like cola and chips and Minsoo was sure his mouth would seem the same. It wasn’t the most pleasant mix, but it was by no means bad either. It was more interesting than anything else, and Minsoo licked into the older boy’s mouth without thinking on it too much more.

“We should probably actually get _into_ the shower,” Minsoo finally got the chance to say when Jinwook started peppering kisses along his jaw.

“Probably,” is the only response Minsoo gets besides a slight nip at his skin that elicits a hum of approval.

“Hyung-” but he interrupted himself with a gasp as the elder grinded against his hips. The pressure in combination with the hickey being sucked onto his collarbone was more than enough for the nerves of his penis to start feeling warm and tense and _gratified_.

 

The air was humid from the steam and with Minsoo’s jeans getting uncomfortable in more ways than one, he moved himself and his hyung forward away from the sink.

He didn’t really know what to do with himself. He wanted to have his hands on Jinwook, but he also wanted to touch his growing length, and he wanted his pants gone but felt too self-conscious to just start taking them off.

Would that seem eager?

Was he eager?

 

“What’s wrong, do you want to stop?” And Minsoo just blinked in confusion at the sudden question, looking into Jinwook’s concerned eyes. “If you change your mind about doing anything we can just stop. You know that right? We don’t actually have to do anything more than shower.”

And Minsoo wanted to kiss Jinwook for how careful he was trying to be (and maybe also to get him to shut up), so he did. Just a small one though.

“I’m fine, I just...” He didn’t know how to explain it. “I like _this_ , but it’s really hot and humid in here and I think actually getting in the shower would be more comfortable.”

“Oh, sure.”

And Minsoo wondered if things were really as awkward as it felt to him or if it was all just in his head.

“Do you need help?” Jinwook teased and it was then that Minsoo realized that the elder was down to his boxers and he had still made no move to take off his own pants.

“Oh! I uh-”

“Because I could if you want.” And at that point Minsoo knew Jinwook was just enjoying the sight of him being flustered.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled and he started to pull off the rest of his clothes while the blonde finished taking off his own clothes (Minsoo assumed he did anyway) and disappeared behind the curtain of the shower.

He took a breath before following suit and was immediately taken aback.

 

He’d seen Jinwook naked plenty of times before, even standing at full attention like the last time they’d showered together. But it differed somehow, like he was seeing Jinwook differently this time.

The water bounced off of the older male, misting in the air. His skin was wet and gleaming and there was a dusting of dark hair leading from his navel down that Minsoo had definitely noticed before but why was he following the trail with his gaze so carefully now? Jinwook reached a hand down and when it entered Minsoo’s line of vision he couldn’t help but watch from a distance as Jinwook palmed himself. It was almost mesmerizing to watch it grow at the touch.

Then Minsoo remembered his dream and before the embarrassment could hit him he wondered if he’d ever do _that_ to Jinwook if the elder asked him to.

He was still staring, but his face bore a look of contemplation as he wondered about the taste of it, the feel of something like that in his mouth. He still wasn’t sure if he’d like it, but he decided he’d at least try it if Jinwook wanted (he also ignored how his mouth seemed to salivate as he thought of it.)

“Do you like watching me?” Jinwook asked and Minsoo finally looked up to meet the other’s gaze. The tone used wasn’t one he’d have expected. It wasn’t sultry or challenging at all, instead it was more of a genuine curiousity.

“Not sure... I guess it was just kind of interesting to watch? It’s kinda different from watching yourself get hard,” he tried to explain, unsure if he actually made sense.

“Huh,” and Jinwook was still stroking himself, the movement almost distracting. “Can I watch you then?” And Minsoo figured his expression must have looked negative because Jinwook immediately looked worried. “Sorry, that was probably weird, it’s fine if you-”

“I don’t mind.”

“What?”

“I said I don’t mind. You can uh, you can watch if you want.” Minsoo reaches for his own cock and immediately let out a small breath of pleasure as he started working himself. He had started going soft from how awkward he felt before but it didn’t take long for him to get fully erect and be uttering quiet moans.

The sight of Jinwook in front of him, stroking himself, and watching with lustful eyes as Minsoo touched himself was as arousing as it was embarrassing.

“It is different,” Jinwook finally said. Minsoo nodded.

 

Then something came over him and Minsoo closed the distance between them, kissing Jinwook wantonly and trying not to moan into the older boy’s mouth when their cocks rubbed against each other. Jinwook responded without missing a beat, kissing back with just as much zeal and reached a hand between them, struggling to wrap effectively around both their cocks at once. Minsoo, having the larger hands of the two decided to wrap his fingers around Jinwook’s to help. It wasn’t going to get them off, but it was more than enough for the moment and Minsoo tried to ignore how he wanted to drink up the moans the older boy let out into his mouth.

Jinwook pulled away after a bit and started mouthing his neck, stilling his hand and letting Minsoo take over in favour of of focusing on leaving another hickey to blossom red on Minsoo’s skin.

“You have a thing for marking, huh,” Minsoo said breathily, smirking despite himself.

“That a problem?” Jinwook challenges, soothing the skin with a lick that caused Minsoo to shiver.

“Not in the slightest.” And then their mouths were on each other again.

“I really want to suck you off,” Jinwook mumbled against the brunet’s lips and and Minsoo was too distracted by the pulse in his dick strengthening at the words to bother being shocked by how dirty and arousing his hyung just sounded.

“I won’t stop you,” Minsoo breathed and he didn’t realize he could be so turned on by a single sentence.

 

They shifted around so that Minsoo was blocking the stream of water with his back and Jinwook was kneeling to be eye level with Minsoo’s cock but immediately faltered.

“What’s wrong?” It was making Minsoo way too self-conscious to stand there like that but the look on Jinwook’s face was worrying.

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong at all and I really want to.. but like, even with you standing like that and blocking the water there’s still a lot coming around to the front and I’m afraid of it going up my nose,” Jinwook looked sheepish about the confession but also pretty amused by the situation. “It’s freezing down here by the way,” he added and Minsoo laughed.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I mean I guess I could angle the shower head straight down so that not as much is hitting me? Would that work?” He still felt so awkward about the whole thing but he couldn’t ignore how tantalizing the sight of Jinwook kneeling in front of him was.

“Yeah, try that.” And he did. “Oh that’s way better.” And Minsoo only had time to look back down in time to see Jinwook wrap his hands around Minsoo’s cock.

The blonde licked his lips and the sight was definitely something and for one reason or another, the word that came to mind was _poetic_ . There wasn’t really anything poetic about it at all. But despite that, _poetic_ was still what Minsoo thought of.

 

Jinwook pumped his cock a few times, getting a feel for it before leaning in and flicking his wet tongue over the slit. Minsoo shuddered and suddenly felt he had nowhere to put his hands. One he ended up against the tile wall to steady himself and Jinwook must have picked up on the unsure movement of the other one because the elder silently guided Minsoo’s hand to his blonde locks.

Jinwook pulled back and opted to rub his thumb over the slit instead and if he wasn’t so preoccupied Minsoo might have wondered if that was a conscious choice because of last time.

Then Jinwook finally took the tip into his mouth and even just that much seemed overwhelming. But then Jinwook took in a little more and it was so hot and wet and pleasure seemed to engulf him when he felt a tongue press flat along the underside of his shaft, adding pressure in all the right places.

“Oh god...” Minsoo could say little else and he was fighting back moans. He was so happy to have one hand leaning against the wall because he was so tense and sensitive and Jinwook started _moving_.

He finally heard a moan slip out, but to his surprise it came from below him. The vibrations only added to the pleasure and he tightened his grip in Jinwook’s hair, this brought on another hum, and that in turn had Minsoo moaning again. He still didn’t know if he should be doing this, but he couldn’t focus on that right now. Jinwook felt so good around him, it was hard to focus on much else.

This was so much more intense than the dream. That had been amazing, but this, this was a feeling he couldn’t have imagined, it seemed to consume him and he couldn’t do anything but wallow in the ecstasy of it all and take in the downright _beautiful_ sight of Jinwook on his knees with those pretty pink lips wrapped around his cock, glossy and full and utterly sinful.

Minsoo took shallow breaths and tried his best to keep his hips still but occasionally he’d make a light thrust and hope to god it wasn’t hurting Jinwook. The elder did gag the first couple times (which, much to his own horror, was only more arousing) but after that Jinwook seemed to get used to it, and it wasn’t constant which probably helped.

Jinwook didn’t try to take it all in either, but Minsoo didn’t care, the elder’s hand was rubbing and his wrist was twisting wonderfully, working all the skin his mouth didn’t reach and Minsoo was so close. He swallowed the lump in his throat and ran his tongue over his teeth, trying not to get caught up in the obscene sounds of the quiet sucking and the occasional moan.

 

“Hyung- _fuck,_ hyung I’m going to, ah...” He didn’t know what to do. Was he allowed to come? Sure, his hyung sucked his dick but that didn’t necessarily he could come into his mouth? Oh god he heard semen didn’t taste good too, what if Jinwook got disgusted and started to hate him?

 

Minsoo wouldn’t be handle that.

 

But Jinwook’s free hand was gripping him tightly and while Minsoo could break away if he tried to, the pressure of the elder’s fingertips in his thigh somehow made him feel like it wouldn’t be that bad.

“Hyung is it okay if I-” but Minsoo didn’t get to finish the question before Jinwook let out a hum as if to agree and the brunet couldn’t hold himself back after that. His hips stuttered and Jinwook’s grip tightened in the best way. His muscles shuddered and tightened then all the tension he built up was released and he came in hot spurts.

He had masturbated before, and been on the receive end of a handjob a handful (pardon the pun) of times, but _this_ , this created so much more intense of an orgasm.

 

Then he stared down in awe at Jinwook through dazed eyes as the elder not only swallowed what was in his mouth but reached up and wiped the bit of cum that landed on his chin with his thumb before pushing that into his mouth as well. It was so lewd ~~and one of the hottest things Minsoo had ever seen~~.

“You taste good, Soo-ah,” but Minsoo was still staring with wide eyes, even as the elder rose to his feet. His knees looked all red too. Did they hurt? “How was it?”

“Fucking amazing,” the younger blurted, having come back to his senses some (but clearly not enough). “But I uh, should I do that to you now or...” And he trailed off, because while he’d definitely do it, he couldn’t help feeling apprehensive and certainly wasn’t about to be as forward as his hyung had been.

“Oh, um,” and Jinwook started blushing furiously and Minsoo glanced down only to see hands half covering a twitching, but still definitely softening cock.

“Did you get off just from sucking my dick?” He didn’t mean for it to sound so crass but he was just bewildered.

“I- ...Yeah.” Jinwook still looked so embarrassed and it was making Minsoo uncomfortable just to see.

“I guess we’re even then,” he finally said. “I mean, last time, I got you off so it wouldn’t really be fair if I did it twice and you only did it once.” But Minsoo isn’t sure if that was the right thing to say, let alone if it actually made sense but it was all he could think of and anything was better than the embarrassed silence that threatened and loomed over them.

Jinwook laughed at that so Minsoo figured at least it wasn’t the _worst_ thing he could have said.

 

“Come on, let’s wash up and get out before the others notice how long we’ve been taking.”

“Yes, hyung,” he said, already reaching up to fix the angle of the shower head.

The stream hitting him dead on was so much warmer and only then did he realize how cold he had gotten without being under it. Straight away he remembered how Jinwook said he had been cold earlier and pulled the older boy under the wide stream with him. There were very close again and Minsoo couldn’t tell if the twitch of his cock was from the aftermath from his orgasm or if it was from the new proximity.

“Your skin is really cold hyung,” is all Minsoo said, but Jinwook didn’t press. His hyung only warmed himself in the hot water and reached for the shampoo.

“Here,” the blonde said and squirted some into his hand before wiping it into Minsoo’s hair.

The younger boy mumbled a quiet thanks and started washing his hair, trying very hard not to think about the enlarged swell of Jinwook’s lips or how much they now glistened or how red they’d become. He was trying very hard not to think about all these things, so hard (in fact) he found it hard to think of anything else.

So he gave up, and studied Jinwook’s looks. He still felt stuck in some vast and empty plane between viewing Jinwook just as his hyung, and finding his hyung so attractive he quite literally had dreams about it.

 

It didn’t make any sense. Could he get that aroused by someone he wasn’t really attracted to? But then shouldn’t he also be more willing to return the favour? He didn’t exactly want to stick his dick in his hyung, nor be on the receiving end of it, but then why was the sight of the elder sucking his dick so enticing?

He was staring again and he knew it. But Jinwook didn’t ask, and Minsoo was grateful for that.

 

“Kiss me,” his voice came out sounding so determined which must have made an odd match with the white lather coating his hands and slicking back his dark hair.

“Are you sure? I mean I might taste kind of-” but Minsoo cut him off with a kiss and Jinwook made no hesitation to kiss back. It wasn’t especially long, but still long enough for whatever Minsoo was looking for.

“What was that for?”

“I don’t understand you.”

“And that makes you want to kiss me?”

“Kinda.”

“I guess I should try to confuse you more often.”

Then Jinwook laughed and he felt a little better.

 

Minsoo was by no means less confused, but despite the uncertainty of it all, Jinwook made him feel comfortable.

_‘ Je t'aime ’ you too, hyung._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a mess, minsoo is a mess, i'm a mess. idk what's happening man
> 
> oh one last thing: the songs mentioned are "bang bang bang" by bigbang and "guilty" by dynamic duo in case you want to look them up (if you don't already know them i'd highly recommend it tbh)


	8. cake and popsicles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a little payback is warranted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally this was just going to be a super short scene with like 500 words just to remind you that i'm alive and planning on actually continuing the story and that i was just having a little bit of trouble with the pacing. but then when i started editing for the upload i had an idea on how to connect it to a couple of other random scenes i had been working on and now here we are
> 
> pls be aware that i accidentally switched up the verb tenses and made it all in present tense while writing so i might have missed some spots while editing and changing it all to past tense.
> 
> also there's like... kind of a lot of smut?? (progress !! but also by smut i mean filth. it's vanilla but it's p filthy for them given what they've done so far)  
> i'll also take this time to remind you that smut is not my strong suit but please enjoy it anyway (and any comments or pointers are more than welcome!)
> 
> one last thing, i really wish i could include more ot10 but like ?? i really don't know enough about all of them and i don't want to delay posting any longer just so i can get into them more and get to know them better so for that i'm sorry but hopefully i'll add more member stuff in the chapters to come. cross my heart i even have Rising! UP10TION bookmarked

“Congratulations on completing promotions everyone!” one of the managers bellowed out to the room. This was met (of course) with a resounding cheer from the mixture of staff and group members (some of whom were considerably louder and rowdier than others), excitement and pride even throughout the room.

“Alright kids, we blow on three,” Sooil ordered and all the other members gathered tightly around their celebratory cake. It wasn’t the fanciest cake, but it said _UP10TION_ and had coloured icing and ten candles and it was more than enough.

 

“One.

Two.

 _Three._ ”

 

The flames disappeared and the room filled with cheers again. Although the cheers were quickly covered with laughter right about the time Minsoo felt icing smearing down his cheek and turned to see a grinning Hwanhee with icing residue on his finger.

“Yah!” But Minsoo laughed and wiped the icing off with his thumb, jokingly threatening his dongsaeng with it but instead just laughing again and licked some of it off.

“Mm, it’s good.” It was more to himself than anything given that the attention was off him again, and fully on one of the managers as they cut the cake.

“Is it?” An arm slipped around his waist and Minsoo didn’t have to look to know who it was.

“Yeah, hyung.” And he leaned a little into Jinwook’s side.

“Let me taste,” and before Minsoo could wonder or refuse, Jinwook brought Minsoo’s hand up to his mouth and sucked the remaining icing off his thumb, pulling back with a pop that Minsoo thought sounded far too obscene for their surroundings (and that no one else seemed to notice _thank god_ ).

“You’re right, it is good.” And Minsoo was a little too shocked to keep track of the thoughts racing through his head. So he didn’t think about the wet heat of Jinwook’s mouth, he didn’t think about the stir of arousal in his gut, and he certainly didn’t think about how dazzling his hyung’s flirty smirk is.

 

It was definitely a game to Jinwook, but maybe Minsoo was ready to start playing too.

 

So he decided to start with small things, following in his hyung’s footsteps.

He started leaning in and brushing shoulders more, he started rubbing small circles on an inner thigh where he might otherwise have been still, he started leaving kisses on Jinwook’s cheek more often (once even daring to catch the corner of his mouth), all the while wondering if he could have the same effect Jinwook first had on him.

But it all felt a little like he was playing himself.

He relaxed in the contact of leaning against a warm chest, he liked leaving delicate touches on firm thighs, he’d be left thinking about how easy it would be to kiss a little further over.

He wanted to think it really was a game, testing to see how much they could get away with before the other members noticed. It was supposed to be revenge on his hyung, that's all.

 

*** *** *** *** ***

 

“So just like, go to a convenience store and buy some lube. Surely you can find _somewhere_ to hide it.”

“Min-hyung I’m telling you there’s nowhere.” Minsoo was already hiding in the bathroom seeing as it was just about the only place to have any privacy in the dorm if anyone else was home. His knees were pulled up to his chest and his butt was numb from sitting on the floor for so long but there wasn’t much he could do to better his position. If he was smart, he'd have brought something to sit on but hindsight is always 20/20.

“Then just get a really small bottle, use it all and immediately throw it out.”

“I guess.”

“So I mean what else do you need to know?”

“Well you didn’t exactly give me all that many details.”

“You didn’t _want_ me to.”

“Well, how was I supposed know you would try to be _that_ specific.” He shuddered at the reminder. Did Minjun have no shame?

“You _asked!_ ”

“That’s not the point!” And all Minsoo could hear was laughter from the other end of the line. “Come on, hyung, I’m trying to be serious. It’s not like I can easily look this stuff up.”

“Fine, you’re right.”

 

It had been a month and a half of back and forth texts and phone calls and Minsoo would have liked to think he and Minjun were right back where they used to be in terms of how close they were. Unfortunately, aging and maturing have definitely altered the relationship. That and Minsoo didn’t think he had ever talked about sex and sexuality so much in his entire life. He thought it was helpful though, despite his seemingly never ending discomfort about the topic.

“You said that you guys haven’t _really_ done anything since that last shower though, just like mild making out, right? So why don’t you just do it again except like, do more than jack him off or have him suck your dick. Do something completely mutual for once.”

“Hyung...”

“ _Or_ we could go back to what we were talking about before and you could figure out whether you want to stick your dick in his ass or if you want his dick up yours. There’s really no other options here.”

“Oh my god, hyung.”

“What? It’s not like it’s a new topic of conversation. It's just like testing the waters. It’s still just masturbation, nothing you don’t _already_ do. As for the rest of it, you’ve seen the porn. You sort of know how it works. So try to figure out which side you want to be on. Alternatively, both is an option. There’s _definitely_ benefits to both.”

Minjun had already gone into a little detail about it as a result of Minsoo's passive-aggressive prompts. He typically topped, as he explained, but every once and a while he liked being on the receiving end. Minsoo was a little too weirded out by the topic to be able to interupt. In the end, he ended up with a lot of details he probably could have done without, and it gave him a lot to think about (although he wasn't sure that was something he really wanted at that point).

 

Minsoo opened his mouth to respond but wasn’t given the chance before his hyung was speaking again.

“And don’t you dare ask how because I literally just spent 15 minutes explaining it all to you.”

Then there was a series of harsh knocks on the door.

 

“Minsoo-ah, I know you’re trying to make a private phone call and everything but I just want to remind you that this is the only washroom in the dorm and if you take any longer it won’t end well.” Sooil’s voice rung through loud and clear, leaving Minsoo to groan inwardly at the interruption.

But then that Minsoo realized the phone call has lasted nearly two full hours and he’d never felt more apologetic.

 

“Sorry, be out in a minute!” He hollered loudly with a hand covering the mic of the phone before turning his attention back to Minjun.

“Looks like I’ve got to go.”

“Alright. I dunno what else to tell you though. It’s not exactly the kind of thing I can talk you through over the phone. I mean plenty of people do but like...”

“Yeah, no, thanks. I get the picture but I’m good. Still not too sure on the whole ‘which side I want to be on’ but I guess I’ve got to figure it out eventually.”

“If you can’t do it yourself, just ask that hyung of yours to help.

“What? No, I can’t do that. That’s so embarrassing.”

“ _Minsoo_ ,” Sooil called out again.

“Hyung, I’ve really got to go. Thanks again. I’ll talk to you later.”

 

*** *** *** *** ***

 

It started off with a chaste kiss.

Minsoo had been lying between the elder’s legs, back leaning into a warm chest, each with a phone in their hands and Jinwook’s chin resting on his shoulder. The mattress of the bed was a little old, and sunk down beneath their weight. It was nice at times like that though. Minsoo was nestled in, relaxed to the utmost.

“Oh hyung look at this,” and he angled the screen towards Jinwook, rewarded with a small laugh. Naturally, this was the reaction he had expected and hoped for, what he didn’t expect was to suddenly get distracted by the crinkles by Jinwook’s eyes when the elder laughed, immediately followed by the movement of his lips at the end of his smile. “Do you know if the kids are still here or have they left yet?”

With promotions having come to a close, the group had decidedly more time on their hands and the four youngest had made plans to go to a pc room. The few others that remained had all gone out as well, all happy enough to be left to their own devices.

“They left like half an hour ago, did you not notice how quiet the dorm is?” Jinwook laughed, but the noise was interrupted by a quick press of Minsoo’s lips to his. Their kiss tasted like cola and Minsoo didn't think the cola tasted that sweet coming from the bottle but it wasn't something he was going to dwell on. Instead he reached a hand up to turn his hyung's head that much further and tried to ignore the downright giddy smile he was kissing.

That’s how it started, but already Minsoo’s turned around and straddling his hyung, knees folded back against the bed on either side of the leader and doing what he deemed to be a very good example of self control (he wasn’t grinding down yet and given the situation and the last time they had done anything, that really was an accomplishment). Minsoo would by no means call himself starved, but it would definitely be a lie if he said he didn't miss Jinwook's hands on him. It unsettled him when he thought about it, but he couldn't help it. Getting off with someone else was always so much more rewarding. Getting off with  _Jinwook_ was so rewarding.

 

“Hyung,” Minsoo asked breathily. Their shirts were removed which was a new development considering they weren't about to get in the shower, but neither had any complaints about the fact.

“Mm?” The response was muffled from kissing along Minsoo’s collarbone.

“I-I want you to do something.”

“I’m all ears, Soo-ah,” the response accompanied by lips just grazing, teasing his skin in the most delicious way possible. 

 

Minsoo was sure Jinwook would say yes. He had full confidence that his hyung would help him out. There’s also no doubt in his mind that he wanted to stop himself where he was, but he had already worked himself up the courage to ask and if he didn’t do it then, he wasn’t sure if he’d try again.

It’s embarrassing and his ears have turned red but his cheeks were already a little flushed from the intensity of their kissing so it’s unlikely Jinwook noticed.

“Fuck I should have asked Minjun how to phrase this...”

At that, Jinwook pulled his lips away, giving the younger a look of discontent.

“I mean whatever it is, I’m sure it’s fine but I’d really prefer you to not talk about other guys when we’re doing stuff like this.”

“Sorry,” and Minsoo leaned in to give a kiss in apology, a kiss met with what Minsoo could only assume to be forgiveness (and maybe some tongue, some very distracting tongue).

 

With the unspoken request forgotten, the arousal coiling in his gut, and the not so subtle kneading of his butt, Minsoo started grinding down and against Jinwook, much to the elder’s obvious (and not so surprisingly vocal) pleasure. His own moans came out in sighs as his crotch rutted against Jinwook’s abdomen. It was still an odd feeling, to have someone hard, rubbing and pressing against him from below, but at least it started feeling kind of good. Probably not good enough (yet), but the moans Jinwook produced from the friction were melodic and he eagerly drank them up with hot kisses.

 

“Move back,” Jinwook practically whined and while taken aback, Minsoo wasted no time following the order, soon ending up with his back flat against the mattress of the bed and Jinwook kissing him almost feverishly from above, already bringing his hips up to meet Jinwook’s.

The pressure and friction was leaving them both with shaky breathes and muffled moans, half wanting to reach down and free themselves from the confines of clothes, but being far too caught up in how amazing it felt to have their cocks rubbing against one another, even through their clothes. For once there was no hesitance. They both wanted it, they both knew the other wanted it. They didn't have to think and that made it all feel so much better.

They both came like that. Heavily making out and grinding into each other without ever needing the use of their hands.

 

“We should change,” Jinwook suggested.

“We should _shower_ ,” Minsoo rectified and at that Jinwook could only nod in response, but instead of getting up, he instead chose to shift to sit on Minsoo’s hips and leaned down for another kiss. The younger's hands naturally finding their way to rest on the elder's hips (and he was more than half wanting to urge them to press downward but he knew full well he had too many worries to follow through.

Minsoo wasn’t sure what they even were anymore. It all started in the midst of confusion months ago, all that time has passed and the confusion (albeit lessened) was still very much so there. Perhaps he had just accepted it all enough to do what he wanted in the moment. When he looked back at Jinwook, he wanted to kiss him. And so he did. He wasn’t going to think too hard about it.

So he didn’t.

He didn’t think too hard about the pressure and swell of Jinwook’s ass gently pressing down from his weight. He didn’t think too hard about the slow but zealous kisses they shared. He didn’t think too hard about the way he sighed contentedly into his hyung's mouth. He didn’t think too hard about how soft and enticing his hyung’s lips had become.

Instead he just relished in all the sensations. Like the goosebumps rising on his skin in the wake of warm hands, like the wonderful ache of his lips from kissing so much, like the way his heart felt so relaxed in Jinwook's presence but couldn’t stop racing all at once.

 

“If you keep doing this I’ll get hard again,” Minsoo mumbled, but it was hardly a complaint. He was too caught up in what just happened to start worrying again just yet.

A response came in the form of a smirk coming to meet his lips (and that gentle pressure on his crotch increasing in not so subtle movements). His dick twitched, but given the tiredness he felt in the aftermath of his last orgasm mixed with the growing discomfort of the inside his boxers being coated with cum, it would still be a while. 

“Hyung, I’m tired,” he whined, but his hands were keeping the elder’s hips in place, to which Jinwook could only laugh and shut him up with his lips again, words slipping out between each slow kiss. 

“Come on… How often… do we have… free range... of the dorm… like this.” The blonde pulled back to grind his ass down a little harder and a broken mewl left the younger’s lips from how sensitive he was. Minsoo had no idea where the confidence was coming from, but he always did like confident Jinwook better. Jinwook leaned back down, but instead of returning to Minsoo's lips, he trailed his mouth along the younger's skin, the soft breaths tickled Minsoo's skin and a kiss pressed to the shell of his ear. “No interruptions for a few hours at least. We don’t have to keep quiet either. I don’t like when you muffle yourself anyway.”

 

Minsoo couldn’t think straight, too caught up in the delicious friction and the warmth of Jinwook’s hands on his chest for balance. It was overwhelming in more ways than one. He was in uncharted territory. It was unsettling but in the end he trusted his hyung (far more than he trusted himself anyway). He always seemed to let Jinwook take control. The blonde was older, and had come to terms with everything so much sooner, logic dictates he was in control (even his words were a reflection of that).

Jinwook’s hands slid a little further up the brunet’s torso to roll a nipple between his fingertips.

“ _Hyung_ ,” it came out shaky, but probably not the shakiness the elder expected. “What are you doing?”

At that, Jinwook’s hand retreated, going back it's place at Minsoo's side.

“I know that some people like that kind of thing,” the blonde breathed out as he sucked a light mark into Minsoo’s neck. The younger could feel how much the other was holding back and if they weren’t in the line of work they were, and if they weren’t keeping it all a secret, Minsoo would have gladly told Jinwook to leave as many marks as he wanted, as dark as he wanted. Actually, he almost did, just to make Jinwook feel better about what just happened. The blonde was trying to sound confident and non-challant, but Minsoo could tell that the lack of reaction dealt a bit of a blow to his ego. In truth he didn't dislike the touch, it was just unfamiliar. Like just about anything else they've done, he'd probably grow to like it through time or practice. “I kinda liked it when I did it to myself so I figured I’d try it on you. You never know what you’re into until you try, right?” He sounded apologetic, and Minsoo didn't like that.

“Fair.” So Minsoo wanted to cheer him up, and if he's honest, he didn't like not kissing him anymore so he brought his hand up the elder’s chin, guiding Jinwook’s lips back onto his own. 

Minsoo couldn’t say he was getting confident, not in the slightest. But he wanted to try being in control for once. If Jinwook responded badly, he’d stop immediately, apologize and surely things could just resume as normal. The thought of giving out any orders of his own made his heart race and quicken the rush of blood flowing down past his navel.

 

“Jinwook-ah,” he started, dropping the formal speech and trying to sound less like he was a nervous wreck and more like the kind of confident Jinwook always seemed to be when playing their so called 'game'. The older boy’s expression was more of curiousity than anything, waiting for Minsoo to finish whatever it was he wanted to say (though obviously biting back the urge to call Minsoo out on the lack of a 'hyung' at the end of his name).

“You’ve been getting me hard again, you can feel it right? I think you should do something about it.” The curiosity was replaced with confusion and surprise but at the very least it seemed the elder wasn’t put off, at least not that Minsoo could tell.

 

“I should, shouldn’t I?” And Minsoo was so relieved to hear it.

 

“Mhm,” and all this time the leader’s hips had yet to stop their almost agonizingly slow movement. “You caused the problem, so you should solve it.” His heart was racing a mile a minute and he’s amazed at how even he managed to keep his tone. It wasn't perfect but it was still okay. Maybe he should go into acting later. “Why don't suck me off then?”

“You’re being so demanding, Soo-ah,” the elder drawled, but the glint in his eye told Minsoo the suggestion was received well enough. “But a good hyung always takes care of his dongsaengs, right? So let hyung take care of you.” And the words sent chills down Minsoo’s spine. 

He propped himself up on his elbows, drinking in the sight of tousled blonde hair and kiss-swollen lips as his hyung climbed off him and slunk lower to kneel between Minsoo’s legs. He pulled down the loose fabric of the brunet’s sweatpants, the latter raising his legs to help the process along.

 

“You’ve made such a mess of yourself,” Jinwook said, fighting to hold back a laugh while simultaneously peeling back the boxers far too slow for Minsoo’s liking but at the sight of what was underneath, Minsoo's heart sunk into his stomach. Suddenly he’s embarrassed and ashamed. It looked so gross. His cock mostly hard, his cum spread all around from being confined. He shouldn’t have asked for this.

“I guess hyung will just have to clean you up.” And before Minsoo has time to get a word in, Jinwook licked a long strip up the side of his cock, leaving Minsoo only to shudder, now a little turned on by the idea of his hyung cleaning up all his cum with nothing but his tongue.

“I-I guess so,” his voice was shaky again, but how can he be calm watching something like that. He had never been more thankful for Minjun suggesting he start doing some maintenance down there as right then, watching his hyung licking up onto his hip where a streak had been been smeared up. Immediately following, he started sucking a mark. It was probably going to turn out the darkest of the hickeys so far, but it would be gone in a day anyway and surely Minsoo could hide one on the inside of his hip, right?

 

“Fuck, hyung, you’re definitely taking your time with this, huh.”

 

Jinwook just let out a chuckle and moved to wrap his lips around the tip of the younger’s cock. Minsoo held back the whine threatening it's way from his throat. He was still so sensitive but fuck if he wasn't going milk the situation for all it was worth. Still, he kind of hated how despite being the one giving out the orders, it still felt like Jinwook was the one in control. So he reached a hand down, burying his fingers in blonde hair and guiding, easing Jinwook just a little further down, an action the elder seemed to like judging by the hum he gave. But vibrations were the work of the devil as far as Minsoo was concerned. It only added to how delicious the experience was and having decided he wanted to make this last, he was disappointment that the reverb caused the whine to break through.

He wanted to be in control, he wanted to _feel_ in control. He just had no idea how to make that happen.

It was a little hard to think when so much of his blood was gone from his head, instead residing in one decidedly smaller. Still, he tried to recall some of the porn Minjun had recommended. Most of it was so exaggerated, and the real purpose of it was the get a better idea of how the sex worked, but there was one where there was definitely someone in charge. He was the authority, setting the pace, giving demands. It was a little too much for Minsoo, but maybe he could at least give something basic a try. Jinwook tried something earlier that didn’t quite work out, surely it was fine if Minsoo gave something new a try as well.

 

“You take me in so well, Jinwook-ah,” he cooed, doing his best to smirk like he knew exactly what he was doing. “Do you like my cock that much?” His stomach was doing flips. “You licked everywhere and cleaned me up so well...” He trailed off but tightened his grip in Jinwook’s hair. It was more from nerves than anything else but maybe it also came off as a sign of dominance.

Jinwook pulled off to catch his breath, pumping his hand to make up for it. The other reaching further down to give the younger's balls some much needed attention as well, an action pulling a pleasured sigh from the brunet's lips.

“I do. I like it a lot.” He was staring Minsoo down with pupils dilated, dark eyes, and spit slicked lips. It was all something Minsoo could get used to (but he’ll ignore that it was something he definitely _wanted_ to get used to). “You taste so good on my tongue,” the blonde added.

Minsoo's face flushed even further and laid back on the bed, half to hide his face out of embarrassment. Still, he decided he definitely liked talking like that (and in turn hearing _Jinwook_ talk like that). After a moment to collect himself, he propped himself back up despite his blush still in full bloom. Seeing the view of Jinwook again sent a fresh wave of arousal through him. He cleared his throat too, the last thing he needed was for his voice to crack while trying to gain dominance.

“Then why don’t you get back to sucking me off, if you do a good job I’ll make sure to come as much as you can swallow.” He untangled his fingers from blonde locks to to wipe some spit ready to drip off his hyung’s bottom lip. “You looks so pretty like this you know...” With the docile look Jinwook was giving him he started to feel a little more control. “Would you like that, Jinwook-ah? To feel me coming down your throat?” His hand goes back to Jinwook’s hair, petting it until the elder takes his tip back into his mouth. 

“You’re so good, Jin… Fuck,” his grip tightened in Jinwook’s hair again, his head falling back onto the bed, and his thighs clenching much to Jinwook's amusement.

“You- _ah_ ,” he couldn’t even finish his sentence, not when he felt the tip of his cock hitting the back of his hyung’s throat and a nose pressing into the skin just above the base of his length. Jinwook followed that with a swallowing motion, and nearly choked from how quickly Minsoo pulled him back. The harsh tug probably left a dull ache on his scalp but when Minsoo looked down, all he saw was a fucked out grin on Jinwook’s face. It was so hot he’d have gotten harder if he could, but instead it only increased the nerves swarming in his stomach.

“I didn’t think you could take me in that far,” Minsoo said having recovered some. It was a surprise, and he felt himself getting close but it was far too early for that. “Do it again. But slower. I want to felt you sinking lower and lower until you can’t go any lower. Do you think you can do that?” Jinwook nodded and Minsoo couldn’t believe how submissive his hyung had become. “You’re such a good hyung, Jin-ah. Taking such good care of me,” he praised, gently guiding Jinwook back to his dick. When the elder started sucking him down again, Minsoo’s breathing hitched. It was so hard to feel in control when he was fighting back moans, the back of his free hand already moving to cover his mouth. When Jinwook finally reached the base Minsoo let out a series of shaky breaths.

 One. Two. Three. _Four full seconds_ before Jinwook finally pulled back, gasping for breath but more than pleased with himself.

 

“You’re a lot harder to deep throat than a popsicle you know, but I guess practicing really helps. I didn’t even gag that much,” Jinwook said, still trying to catch his breath.

“ _Oh_ ," Minsoo almost wanted to laugh at the visual that gave. "You did such a good job, Jinwook-ah.” Minsoo praised instead. “You’re such a good hyung.”

Jinwook leaned back in to lick up the side of his length, even going to as the run his tongue under the bell of Minsoo’s tip.

“You know, I said not to hold back your moans,” Jinwook said, pulling his lips back to speak, his hand taking their place for the moment.

“Maybe you should ask a little nicer,” the younger said (in what he hoped was a cool fashion), wanting to remain in control.

“Sorry, Soo-ah. I started getting ahead of myself,” the blonde apologized quietly, pressing his lips to Minsoo’s tip in a kiss of additional apology. It was almost mocking, but Minsoo didn't care. There was truth behind it and it sounded so nice to hear him beg. “Can I hear you moan? Please Soo-ah? I want to hear you while I suck you off. Can’t I?”

“Oh fuck, o-okay.” Minsoo couldn’t say no. Not to that wanton look, not when his hyung was asking so nicely, so _submissively_. “All you have to do is do a good enough job to make me _want_ to moan.” If he were honest, he'd have said that Jinwook could probably just keep looking at him like that and he'd moan. He couldn't help it. Jinwook's blonde hair was tousled and messy from his grip, Jinwook's cheeks were flush from lack of breath, Jinwook's lips were glistening and so pink he'd be surprised if they weren't aching. It was so tantalizing Minsoo didn't know what to do with himself.

“I can definitely do that,” was the only verbal response before Minsoo felt a slick heat sucking around him once again. He made no effort to hold himself back anymore. Hitched breathing and shaky sighs were replaced with a broken chorus of moans, soft mewls, and low whines whenever his hyung did something just right, all the while, littering the air around them with curses and words of praise. Letting out a small slew at the hollowing of cheeks and Minsoo was left wondering if more practice could actually improve something already so good. But his voice wasn't the only one in the room. Jinwook was letting out his own as he bobbed and sucked and Minsoo could only assume he was palming himself through his jeans.

“Ah, hyung, don’t stop. I’m close, I’m so fucking close.. _Hah_ ” He let out another moan as Jinwook picked up the pace. Soon after he’s fighting to hold his hips still, coming into the blonde’s mouth with a final whiny “ _hyung_ ” slipping out.

He pulled Jinwook up to kiss him, too enticed by the sight of him to bother worrying about the taste lingering on his tongue. Minsoo didn’t hate it after all. 

 

After that he leaned back down flat onto the bed. His eyes fell shut as his muscles relaxed and he was left in that brief state of bliss as he came down from his high.

But they flew right back open when he heard Jinwook speak.

 

“So you’re into dirty talk, huh.” 

“Oh my god, did you not like it? When I started you seemed kind of into it so I thought you wanted me to keep going. I’ll never do it again, I’m sorry, hyung, I just wanted to try it and-”

“Calm down, Soo-ah...” the elder pushed back his bangs to pet his head once and Jinwook’s laugh had never sounded more reassuring. “It's fine. I mean if you really like it I have zero problems with it. Besides, it was fun seeing you trying to be in control like that. I’ll even let you do it again if you promise to call me hyung the _entire_ time. The lack of honourific was pushing it a little, I feel like I need to punish you for it.”

“I suppose that’s fair,” Minsoo’s eyes were closed again. His heart was still racing from it all, but slowly calming down. He felt a little bit less like his heart was trying to burst of his chest (which was definitely where he prefered to keep it).

“But first I think we both really need to shower, my mouth is good but you should wash up with real soap and water, besides, my boxers are starting to feel more uncomfortable by the minute. I’ll go ahead first, you can join me if you want or you can shower after me, it’s up to you.”

He stood and started stripping off the rest of his clothes, leaving Minsoo watching with wandering eyes. The even flush of his skin, the slope of his arms as his forearms flexed to undo the button of his pants, the curve of his back as he bent to pull his boxers down, the swell of his ass shifting as he stepped out of the mess of clothes that piled at his feet, the look of his dick (which was undoubtedly hard again) slick with cum and bobbing ever so slightly as he started heading towards the washroom.

Minsoo had no doubt his hyung was going to jack himself off in the shower instead of asking just him to return the favour, guilt leaving a bad taste in the brunet’s mouth.

 

He didn’t think it was very fair. Jinwook always seem to make it about Minsoo, taking care of him first and if he happened to get off in the process all the better. But Minsoo didn’t like it. He couldn’t always be on the receiving end. And he thought he could probably handle it. He could handle doing to Jinwook what the elder had been doing to him all this time.

He could kiss and suck and leave marks of his own. He could back him against a wall and take control. He could handle giving him a blowjob. So long as Jinwook moaned and cursed and pleaded in the process Minsoo was pretty sure he’d do just about anything Jinwook asked. It was addictive. It was definitely scary, but this was his hyung. Jinwook, the guy he admired and trusted and whose friendship he cherished so much.

Surprisingly it really was all in the best interest of his hyung. It hadn't actually occurred to him to do those things because he might actually like to do them. It had only been a few months since all this started anyway, he wasn't ready to actually thinking about desires like those.

He wanted to do more for him. He  _needed_ to do more.

 

So he got up and followed his hyung. He slipped in through the half open door of the washroom, unsurprised by the slick sounds and quiet moans emanating from behind the shower curtain. So he slipped behind that too, coming up behind his hyung and hoping his moments and tone won’t be as awkward as he feels. But surely he had done a good enough job hiding it so far.

“You said I could join you,” and his hand nervously slid around Jinwook’s hip to cover the hand already pumping up and down. “What are you doing starting something without me?”

The water barely touched him where he stood, but the air was hot and humid and that was enough. So he pressed in closer, his lips pressing kisses in the side of Jinwook’s neck, his stomach flush with the elder’s back, one hand holding Jinwook by the hip while the other slipped underneath his hyung’s hand, taking over with ease.

 

This was good. He was coming across confident (hopefully). He was coming across cool (probably). He was doing well (or something). Jinwook was letting out a broken stream of moans, with Minsoo's name too (and boy was that a beautiful sound). Really it was all Minsoo needed to hear.

So when his hyung turned his head, Minsoo wasted no time bringing their lips together, the idea of another guy moaning into his mouth a far cry from uncomfortable like it had seemed all those months ago. Now, he liked it. The bass and the subtle vibrations were so gratifying it was almost addictive.

 

He still wasn’t sure he liked guys though. All he knew was he liked making Jinwook happy, and he liked how Jinwook made him feel when they were around each other.

He liked a lot of things about Jinwook; Jinwook’s lips on him, Jinwook’s strong grip on his hips, Jinwoo’s eyes clouded with lust, Jinwook’s neck as enticing as it was, Jinwook’s back as he moved, Jinwook’s butt in his palms, Jinwook’s stomach pressed against his own, Jinwook’s dick and the weight of it in his hand, Jinwook, Jinwook, _Jinwook_.

What he didn't like was how much he liked it all. He couldn't really understand why he liked it, why he liked it but  _only_ when it was Jinwook. It was frustrating. When did the ' _what if_ ' turn into a ' _why_ '?

But that's why they started all this, to help each other figure things out. It was all experimenting, all for the experience.

Jinwook was the caring hyung he had always been, Minsoo was the one still getting confused.

 

And before Minsoo realized it, Jinwook was coming over his hand.

 

“I think I need a nap after all this,” Minsoo admitted with a laugh, and all Jinwook could do was nod.

It wasn't as much as he wanted to do, but he was tired, and Jinwook had already come. He could always make things up to him later.

 

So they washed up tiredly, they got dressed, they cleaned up their soiled clothes, and they settled into the younger's bed.

Minsoo fell asleep like that, with his hyung’s arms wrapped around him, with light breathing on his neck, and with his thoughts racing as he brainstormed ways to treat his hyung better ~~(and give him the attention he definitely deserved)~~.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> semi-confident!minsoo and submissive!jinwook amiright
> 
> idk i wanted to try switching up the dynamic a bit since they're all about experimenting and figuring things out. things may resume with the usual dynamic in chapters to come but if you guys like it like this i might stick with the idea of them both being more vers
> 
> it's all up to you guys so let me know what you want
> 
> but lmao i think i also kind of gave minsoo a praise kink bc i wrote him saying it but i feel like he's 100% giving the praise bc that's what he would want to hear so ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> other things i want to know are about minjun. do you like minjun? and do you want him to have more or less of a role bc it could go either way at this point and i can't seem to decide for myself


	9. soft lips and softer kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a hug is all that's needed, but sometimes you need a little more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda angsty ngl but the title isn't wrong so just wait it out and the kisses will come
> 
> also  
> @sm don't sue me pls i am but a humble penmonkey w 10 kids 2 feed

Minsoo was one of the lucky ones.

 

His family lived so close by, so long as his schedule allowed it he could see them whenever he wanted. So, on days where he felt homesick, he could never really understand it. Sometimes he’d call, just to hear his mother’s voice. Sometimes he’d ask to speak to his father too, and ask about how his work was going. Sometimes he’d even call up his noona, just to find out how she was doing. It was menial and no more than small talk, but it was all he needed to hear.

Other times it would hit him a little harder and a phone call only made him feel that much further from them. But beyond all that, the homesickness was something he always kept to himself. He’d hide it if he was feeling down because what right did he have? He was so lucky to be so close, to see his family so often. It would be like rubbing the short distance in the faces of less fortunate members.

 

So he didn’t say anything at all.

 

Each of the members had their days where they were more clingy, hugging a bit more than usual, being whiny until someone took pity and played with their hair, or holding hands just for the sake of it.

 

It was a silent understanding and they all knew when not to pry.

 

So when Minsoo rested his head on Wooseok’s shoulder and let out a sigh,  Wooseok just tilted his own head to rest atop Minsoo’s and he didn’t ask.

When Minsoo came up behind Sungjun for a back hug and held on a little tighter than usual, Sungjun just wrapped his hands over Minsoo’s and he didn’t ask.

When Minsoo woke Hwanhee up in the middle of night just to crawl into bed with him, Hwanhee just made Minsoo promise to be the big spoon and he didn’t ask.

 

Usually that would be enough for Minsoo, just knowing his members were there for him and that he wasn’t as alone as he felt. But when he woke up the next morning, he felt just the same as the day before.

 

So he dragged himself out of the bed to get ready, playfully shoving Hwanhee to get his dongsaeng up as well.

He ate a little more food than he was really hungry for so that no one would notice his lack of appetite.

He smiled a little more during practice, stopping to joke around and keep up moral whenever there was a struggle with the new choreography and people started getting frustrated.

 

Then when he and Jinwook were alone in the vocal practice room, he decided to take a break from the happy Minsoo facade, just for a few minutes. He closed his eyes and leaned back into his chair.

“Are you tired, Soo-ah?” And that made Minsoo wonder if he should have taken a break at all, opening his eyes and turning to the side to meet Jinwook’s gaze. “Me too, practice feels so long today.” Immediately following, Jinwook decided to make himself comfortable which apparently began with lifting Minsoo’s arms up. He laid down and soon enough the back of his head was using Minsoo’s thigh as a pillow. He crossed his arms over his chest and had the audacity to give Minsoo a lazy grin before shutting his eyes.

“You could have at least asked first, hyung.” But Minsoo didn’t really care, instead his hands naturally found their way to rest in his hair and on his chest respectively, his fingers already combing gently through the blonde locks. “I can’t believe you’re gonna dye your hair black. It’s gonna be so weird after seeing you blonde for so long.”

“I think look hot with dark hair, don’t you?” His eyes are still closed, but Minsoo could definitely imagine the mischievous look they’d have had.

“Shut up.”

They didn’t say anything after that, and Minsoo knew Jinwook had actually managed to fall asleep when he looked down and saw the leader’s head turned toward him and his mouth hanging open a crack.

 

It was totally a normal reaction for Minsoo to then start studying his hyung’s face, right? Right.

 

He lifted his hand to give a gentle push at the elder’s bottom lip. Not too much, but enough to cause the blonde to close his mouth and shift his head ever so slightly. It left Minsoo chuckling, but he didn’t do anything else for fear of waking Jinwook up.

So he contented himself with staring again. His gaze curved along the rise and fall of his hyung’s nose, the gentle swell of skin between his hyung’s nose and lips, the pink tinge of his hyung’s lips, his index finger following the way his hyung’s bottom lip jutted out even when the blonde was resting. Then Minsoo’s thumb came up to take the finger’s place, just barely grazing across that soft bottom lip he could suddenly only think about kissing. When he realized what he was doing it immediately pulled his hand back, rubbing at his eyes as if his own tiredness were the cause of his actions. And things were quiet again.

When his hand fell, Minsoo shifted his eyes to watch the rise and fall of his hyung’s chest. He was left wondering what it was about Jinwook that was so distracting. The leader certainly didn’t used to be. Sure, he might have started noticing things about other boys too (members namely) but even so, it was different. That was just noticing, with Jinwook, Minsoo couldn’t help it.

“Do you like my lips that much?” Jinwook’s eyes remained closed, but that voice and smug smile were undeniably conscious decisions.

“O-of course,” Minsoo tried desperately to pretend like he wasn’t at all taken aback, and also like he wasn’t at all embarrassed at being caught. “You’re so good with them, how could I not?” And he winced at just how gross and cocky that sounded. But what could he do, he panicked and he was stuck with it. “I thought you were sleeping.”

“I was, until you decided to touch my mouth,” Jinwook said as he finally opened his eyes, looking up at Minsoo from below. “Why? Did you want to do something again already?”

Right. Minsoo forgot. They were just experimenting (and doing some stress relieving in the process). He couldn’t kiss Jinwook just because he wanted to, certainly not just because he was homesick and lonely.

“Maybe,” he hoped his voice didn’t sound as shaky as it felt. He didn’t want to do something just to cover it up, but at the same time he didn’t want to think about the reaction if he admitted he that. He couldn’t bring himself to ask for what he really wanted.

“Well we can’t really do anything so you’ll have to settle for just this,” Jinwook sat up, and turned in for a kiss.

 

It lasted one second, then two, and that was it. Minsoo was left chasing Jinwook’s lips as the elder pulled back.

 

“You know, kissing where we can get caught is actually kind of hot,” Jinwook’s breath was hot on his lips and and they share one last chaste kiss before Jinwook pulled back completely and rose to his feet. Minsoo wanted to think he could settle for that, but it definitely wasn’t enough, but also not at all in the sense the elder thought.

“Come on,” and a hand was stretched out towards him. “Let’s get back to dance practice before Jaeho-hyung comes looking for us. You know how he gets.”

So Minsoo nodded and took the hand, letting himself be pulled back to the other practice room.

 

Minsoo couldn’t think of a day when practice felt longer.

 

*** *** *** *** ***

 

By the time night fell, Minsoo still couldn’t sleep but he didn’t want to bother anyone, instead he made his way to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Sat atop the counter with a glass half full in one hand and his phone in the other, he took a sip and sent off a tentative text. It was late. There was no guarantee Minjun would even be up. But what if the text woke him? That wouldn’t be good. Minjun was one of the nicest people Minsoo knew, but when he first wakes up, he might as well be the devil. The switch was actually pretty scary to witness.

 

So when Minsoo’s phone vibrated and lit up with a call, he wasn’t sure what to expect on the other end.

 

“Hi hyung,” he kept his voice low for fear of waking anyone else up (but also because if Minjun really had just woken up, speaking too loudly would do nothing but add fuel to the fire).

“Hi yourself.”

“I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Nah, you’re safe. I’ve been working on this monster of a project that’s due next week. I could actually really use the break so what’s up?”

“Oh, good. I’m glad.”

“You alright Min-ah?”

“No? I mean yes everything’s fine, I just...” he let out a small sigh and tried to ignore how tight his chest was starting to feel. “Is alright if I don’t talk about it just yet?”

“Of course, kid. But we do need to talk about something. It’s kind of how phonecalls work.”

“Haha, very funny.”

“I do my best,” and Minsoo can hear it in the elder’s voice that’s he’s stretching out his stiff muscles and Minsoo suddenly realizes just how stiff his own limbs are. Did he not stretch enough during practice? He was probably too distracted to do it properly before. “Yoohoo, earth to Minsoo.”

“What? Yeah sorry. Got distracted.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Maybe later. So what kind of a project are you working on anyway?”

 

And that’s how Minsoo got caught in the trap that was an hour long explanation of just how dumb one of the profs at his university was. He kind of wanted to be caught though. It gave him the chance to take his mind off things, and he didn’t have to worry about talking either.

 

“Seriously though if she moves the date up on us one more time I’m going to take one of her fancy unmanned aircrafts and fly it straight into the windshield of her precious car.”

“She must really be bad if she’s got a goody-two-shoes like you planning destruction of someone’s private property.”

“Why does that feel like a backhanded compliment?”

“Probably because it was.”

“Don’t be so rude to your hyung.”

“It was _technically_ a compliment so there’s really nothing to get upset about.”

“See if I treat you next time we go out then.”

“...” He doesn't have a good response for that one.

“That’s what I thought.” And Minsoo could imagine all too well the look of triumph Minjun must have had on his face.

“Alright.”

“Alright, what?”

“I’ve decided.”

“Again, you’re not really giving me much to go on here.”

“This might seem like a really weird thing to ask but how can I get Jinwook-hyung to kiss me?”

“You’re right, that is a really weird thing to ask... I don’t get it, doesn’t he do that already? You’ve even instigated before so what’s the big deal?”

“I mean like, _just_ kiss. Is that weird?”

“Not really, I mean you like him.”

“No I don’t.”

“Okay, you _don’t_. You just want to spend all day lazing around kissing each other and doing nothing more than that.”

“Well not _all_ day... Wait _hyung,_ ” because Minjun was laughing at him again and Minsoo was starting to reconsider why they were ever friends in the first place.

“You’re so mean, hyung. You tease me too much.”

“Fine,” he was still laughing, Minsoo could tell. But at least it was being muffled. “I’m sorry but you do realize how ridiculous you sound, right? If you want to kiss him just kiss him, you don’t need to ask at this point.”

“It’s more complicated than that, hyung.”

“Then please," Minjun drawled, "explain it to your stupid hyung. All I know right now is engineering; everything else I knew was forgotten about six hours ago.” Minsoo smiled at that, mouthing a small “ _idiot_ ” to himself before responding.

“I just mean that I can’t ask for _just_ a kiss. First off he always starts feeling really sorry towards me if I cut something off because he still feels like I’m doing it just for his sake. And I can’t just be honest and say all I want right now are kisses because we’re way past that and we’re not dating or anything it’s weird and _I_ feel weird and I don’t get it at all but I’m sad and I’m lonely and his kisses make me feel better and fuck I just don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what I like about him. Why’s it _only_ him too? I couldn’t care less about being close with other guys but the second I even _look_ at him I get all confused and my heart starts racing and it’s not fair, hyung.”

He wanted to cry, just a little bit. All the words came rushing out and his heart hurt and his tired eyes sting and he has a headache and he had been bottling everything up because he can’t talk about it with just anyone. He was afraid to say too much to Minjun too. He didn’t want the elder to feel burdened at all, and he definitely didn’t want his hyung to think he was just using him as an outlet and for information when he genuinely wanted to be close again. But everything was flooding out all at once and he couldn’t handle it.

“Whoa, whoa, slow down, Min-ah. It’s alright. Everything’s okay, alright?” and Minsoo heard a quiet ‘ _fuck_ ’ from the other end of the line too. “It’s okay if you’re confused. It’s okay if you don’t really understand what’s going on. It’s normal not to know everything. I promise everything will turn out okay so for now just try to do what will make you happy. If you don’t want to do anything with him then don’t. If you only want to kiss him and nothing more then that’s okay too. If you want to do more than that then that’s totally fine.”

Minsoo started crying a little bit, having abandoned his glass on the counter he kept wiping under his eyes with his free hand.

“Min-ah,” his hyung’s voice was so soothing and the words were everything he wanted and needed to hear, but Minsoo also knew that Minjun wasn’t the one he needed to be hearing it from. “Just tell me what you want me to do. I can just keep telling you things are going to be okay, I can take you out on another date, we can get together with some old friends and go to a pc bang like we used to, I can stay with you on the phone until you fall asleep. Whatever it is that you want right now, just tell me. I know exactly what you’re going through and I wish there was something more I could do to help but really you’ve just got to wait it out and keep doing what you’re doing.”

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks,” he wiped under his eyes again and let out a shaky laugh, looking up at the ceiling like that would stop his tears. “And I’m sorry, I know I’m a lot to deal with right now.”

“It’s okay, Minsoo-ah. I’m your hyung and I’m gonna be here for you, alright? I know there isn’t anyone else you can open up to about this stuff. If things get a little overwhelming you can always talk to me, alright?”

“Alright, hyung-.”

 

“Minsoo-ah?” _It’s Jinwook._

 

“Ah, shit, hyung I have to go. I’ll text you.” Minsoo rushed to end the call, slipping off the counter at the same time and he was very glad to have stopped crying _before_ someone walked in. “Hey, Jin-hyung. You’re up?”

 

“Are you crying?”

“What? No, I’m fine. I _was_ crying but it was only because Minjun told me something really sad over the phone just now.” It was bullshit and they both knew it but Minsoo wasn’t going to be the first one to stop playing pretend. “Cross my heart.” It was childish, he knew it, but he still did the action to follow.

“Alright,” Jinwook didn’t believe him, but Minsoo hadn’t really expected much else. “If there ever _is_ something bothering you, you would tell me right?”

“O-of course,” but his voice wasn’t steady and tears pricked at his eyes. Why did Jinwook have to wake up?

“..Soo-ah, come here,” his hyung’s voice was so gentle and the arms that wrapped around him were so comforting. So he let his muscles relax and released the tension he didn’t realize he was holding, his forehead falling to rest on top his hyung’s shoulder for support, and his hands loosely hanging off Jinwook’s sides. But his grip tightened slowly, like he was afraid Jinwook was going to disappear if he didn’t hold on.

He was crying again too, not because of what was bothering him, but because he felt like he couldn’t tell Jinwook. He hated that.

 

“Did you hear anything?”

“Not really. I came because I heard a voice but when I got here you weren’t saying anything. You said you were a lot to deal with, that’s really all I heard.” Jinwook’s was slowly rubbing his back and he wanted to relax further into the soothing touch, but he couldn’t. Not when he got caught like this.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Can we just stay like this for a minute?”

“Okay.”

 

Minsoo didn’t know how long they stood like that, but when he felt a little better, he decided to speak. They pulled apart just enough to look at each other, which only made Minsoo want to hide away again because his eyes were probably red and his cheeks felt hot and he couldn’t possibly look like anything other than a mess.

 

“Hyung.”

“What is it, Soo-ah?” Minsoo couldn’t answer right away, so Jinwook asked again, a little quieter. “What do you want?”

“I don’t know what I want, hyung. And I hate it. I hate not knowing.” His throat felt tight. It was true, he hated not knowing, and he didn’t really know what he wanted.

But he desperately wanted to feel better. What he didn’t know was just how to make that happen.

When he looked at his hyung, he could tell Jinwook had no idea what to do. So when Minsoo’s eyes flicked down to the lips that seemed to be the root of so many of his problems, Jinwook must have taken that as a silent request.

The blonde started leaning in and it was so choppy and hesitant and awkward, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed and it reminded Minsoo of their first kiss. They were probably in the exact same spot too. It was almost funny how familiar it was and it was surprisingly comforting to suddenly feel like they were right back where they started. The confusion didn’t seem so out of place, and the need for nothing more than a kiss was the expectation.

Minsoo leaned forward, grazing their lips before fully meeting his hyung halfway. It was short. So they went in again. And again. And again and Minsoo was trying very hard to ignore his problems in favour of focusing solely on the soft lips against his own.

“Are you okay?”

“Getting better,” and with that Minsoo leaned in again, and making a point of deepening the kiss.

Jinwook was still kissing so softly, so tenderly and it all made Minsoo feel like he was something precious. The kiss was salty, with the faint taste of mint from the toothpaste they used before bed, but it all made no difference. He kissed slowly and held Jinwook close.

 

Finally, Jinwook pulled back and Minsoo fought the whine he wanted to let out. What surprised him was that instead of speaking, his hyung gently pulled his head down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Before Minsoo knew it, his face was being peppered with slow, feather-light kisses and his hands loosely curled around Jinwook’s forearms. His eyes closed as Jinwook kissed them and his senses refocused. The gentle brush of lips on his skin, the warmth of hands on either side of face, the firm muscles beneath his fingertips. He didn’t want it all to end.

But Jinwook’s lips had kissed every inch of his face, and it would have been silly to ask him to do it again so he didn’t.

Instead he just pulled his hyung in for another kiss on the lips, letting himself melt into it, with his hands moving down to wind around Jinwook’s waist and pull him closer.

 

He started thinking about their first kiss again. How scary it was, how strange it was when he realized how much he enjoyed it. How different it was from the few girls he had kissed before.

Maybe he was accepting it all more than he thought he was, but the fact he still felt as confused as he did only made him feel worse.

Jinwook pulled back again, and brushed his thumb along Minsoo’s cheek.

 

“You know hyung loves you, right? I’m here for you, whatever you need, alright?”

“Yes hyung. I know. I love you too.” They’d said they loved each other before. All the members had. How could anyone not love their members? But Minsoo wondered if that ‘I love you’ was different now. How many other ‘I love you’s had followed a kiss? But maybe Minsoo was reading into things again. Just like the joke confession at karaoke. He was tired and he was emotionally drained. He knew it was definitely not the time for him to jump to any conclusions, but he was tired and he was emotionally drained so he couldn’t really help it.

“I won’t ask you what’s wrong, I know you’ll tell me if you want to so why don’t we just go back to sleep, Soo-ah. You need some rest.” Jinwook started to walk away but stopped in his tracks when he felt a tug on his sleeve.

“I don’t want to be alone.” Minsoo’s voice came out so small he wasn’t even sure it was his.

“What makes you think I was going to leave you alone?” and his hyung flashed him a smile to match.

“Come on, my bed is better than yours and you end up there half the time anyway.” At that Minsoo let out a laugh, already feeling so much lighter. Jinwook smiled at him again and Minsoo had no trouble heading to bed after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so what do you think? was it worth the wait? either way i'm really sorry but it seems monthly updates are all i can manage rn? hang tight tho no matter how long between updates the story will continue!!
> 
> i also have tons of scene prompt ideas and idk what to go with so pls comment which ones (yes plural) you'd like to see most (i aim to please):  
> \- More of the ‘game’ in front of members (prob gonna do this anyway tbh)  
> \- Boners in public (possible as a result of the 'game'?)  
> \- Sleepy kisses (difficulty level: expert jsyk)  
> \- Minsoo dreaming about jinwook’s lips (same tbh)  
> \- Minsoo dreaming about doing the succ (ofc)  
> \- Minsoo actually doing the succ ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )  
> \- More helpful (read: embarrassing) phone calls with minjun (who doesn't love)  
> 


	10. dinner plans: the lost chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Great days are often filled with simple pleasures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!
> 
> first off, i want to thank everyone that has been continuing to leave comments. you have no idea what it means to me or how much those words made me smile. i also want to say special thanks to joy_infires, Justpassingby whose most recent comments have really sparked some muse for me for this story. but generally just thanks to all of you for continuing to comment, i definitely would have abandoned this story otherwise which sucks because after this, those two became one of my otps. anYWAY
> 
> bet you guys didn't expect an update considering the last one was a year and a month ago but it is i! the writer! i don't have another full chapter written yet but i wanted to give you guys something as a sort of apology gift for going on a hiatus like that. this was something i had written out but hadn't managed to fit into a chapter anywhere so here you are! i was thinking it was going to take place somewhere in the middle of chapter 8 so keep that in mind if you'd like.
> 
> my plan is to update once a month, if i have the motivation and inspiration to write a lot, i might post more than once, but once is my goal

Minsoo was woken up (rather harshly he might add) to someone landing none too gracefully right on top of himself and Jinwook where they had been sleeping in the younger’s bed. No longer with their limbs tangled, but apparently close enough for Gyujin to land on both of them at once.

“Hyung-deul get up.”

Jinwook rolled away so Gyujin refocused his efforts solely on Minsoo for the moment, much to his chagrin. This is what he gets for opening his eyes for half a second. He should have just tried to go back to sleep (and he definitely wanted to).

“We’re going out for one last celebratory dinner before we get back to preparing for for the next album. Manager-nimdeul are paying so get up. It’s basically all you can eat meat.” And not once during that reminder did the youngest stop shaking Minsoo’s shoulders.

“I got it. I got it. You can stop, I’ll get up.”

“Good, and make sure Jinwook-hyung gets up too. We’re leaving in a few minutes.”

“Alright, just go,” Minsoo waved him off and thanked god the younger actually left him alone.

He was fully awake now, but felt a warm body pull up behind him, wrapping around his waist.

“I just wanna lie here with you for a few more minutes,” came a warm mumble into the back of Minsoo’s shoulder.

“Don’t you want free meat?”

“I like you more than meat.”

“Wow hyung, that’s really serious. Are you feeling okay?” Minsoo was kidding of course, but turns around to press the back of his hand to the elder’s forehead. “I think you’re burning up,” he jokes.

“Then as a good dongsaeng you should stay and take care of me. You’re the best medicine there is.”

“Oh? And why would I do that?”

“Because you love me.”

“You know what else I love? Free meat.”

“Rude,” Jinwook was pouting and Minsoo couldn’t resist leaning in and kissing it.

“What if someone walks in?” But Jinwook made no effort to halt the lazy kisses.

“I thought you needed medicine,” the younger said, finally pulling back.

“Don’t get smart with me.”

“Then let’s do something dumb and get caught.” Already leaning in for a kiss, Minsoo knew the outcome. Jinwook was too easy.

“I hate how much I like that idea.” But Minsoo pulled away and got up, smirking at the groan his hyung proceeded to let out.

“Come on, everyone’s waiting.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming.”

It all felt a little domestic and the thought was pleasant and painful and Minsoo (like most things in his life at the moment) wasn’t sure what to make of it.

 

*** *** *** *** ***

“What do you mean you’re cutting us off?” Changhyun whined before a chorus of voices joined in disappointment.

“Do you guys even know how many portions of meat you’ve eaten?” This time it was one of the other staff talking, although it was a manager that made the initial statement.

“...A lot?” Dongyeol offered and all the managers just nodded in response. “Too much,” he added and the group nodded again.

Well, they had certainly eaten their fill so there was little room for complaint, and as far as Minsoo was concerned, the evening was a huge success.

He got free dinner (and was so full he wasn’t certain he’d be using the same notch on his belt the next day), but more than that, there was a warm hand on his thigh that was pleasantly distracting. The small circles drawn, only relaxing in their touch. He was getting far to comfortable with all of it but he couldn’t be bothered to care.

“Hey hyung?”

“Hm?” Minsoo turned to face the speaker, coming to find himself uncomfortably close to Hwanhee’s face.  
“Jinwook’s hand has been on your leg for like, the last hour. Why?”

“What? Oh.” Minsoo was doing his best not to be flustered but fuck if that didn’t seem like the hardest thing in the world. “I kept bouncing my leg and it was bothering him so he left his hand there to stop me whenever I started doing it again.”

“Oh, yeah that makes sense. I have to stop Dongyeol from doing that all the time. He’s so energetic.”

“Yah, you are too.”

“Yeah but at least I don’t bounce my knee incessantly.”

“Waaah, that’s a big word for a little kid.”

“Shut up,” but it was half hearted and Hwanhee’s grinning and Minsoo can’t bring himself to be mad about it.

“Alright, gang. Let’s head out,” Sooil announced, already gathering up members and Minsoo caught Jinwook sending the other leader a grateful look. Sooil just winked and continued corralling members.

“Today has been a good day.” Jinwook sounded so contented and Minsoo agreed wholeheartedly. It was a good day, a great day even. And he’ll even dare to hope that more days like that would come to pass.


	11. sickly but sassy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Minsoo decides Jinwook would have made a terrible nurse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing sexy but there's sick!minsoo and nurse!jinwook (sort of, he doesn't do much and falls asleep on the job)

The one thing Minsoo didn’t like about dyeing his hair wasn’t that he had to go back to the salon to get touch ups as soon as his roots grew out, it was looking in the mirror and being surprised because he’s not used to the new colour. That being said, he definitely thinks he lucked out with the colour this time, it’s just a bit lighter than the old colour, and a bit more red, but he counts his lucky stars that he didn’t end up with bright orange like Dongyeol.

 

“As usual you pull it off like it's nothing,” the stylist grinned and Minsoo just grinned back. He thought so, but it always felt reassuring to hear it from someone whose job was all about aesthetics.

 

Now that his hair was out of the way, he eagerly turned his head towards Jinwook only to see a hairdresser in the way and fought back a frown, but they quickly moved to reveal his hyung in all his black haired glory and right then, Minsoo thought there really is nothing quite like a natural hair colour.

Jinwook seemed to feel Minsoo’s eyes on him and turned and winked at him before staring straight at the mirror again and Minsoo pretended the tips of his ears weren’t burning, immediately sitting back in his chair and stared into his own mirror as the stylist put some finishing touches on his hair.

Soon enough the group was done with hair, quickly ushered to the first shooting location, then the next, then the next and everything kind of blurred together as these things tend to do. At the end of it all, both the members and all the staff were more than a little tired, and with one final “cut” from the director, the shoot wrapped up.

It seemed their schedule kept getting busier.

 

But it was good, really good.

 

It meant the group was growing in popularity, but unfortunately for Minsoo, it meant alone time with Jinwook was on a steady decline.

 

*** *** *** *** ***

Promotions were a blur, but after their final schedule after 2 days in Japan, the group planned a special surprise for Jinwook.

The plan was for the whole thing to be recorded for an episode of U10TV, beginning with an intro from Minsoo and Sungjun. A party for Jinwook’s birthday, with the added surprise of a hidden camera.

 

Gyujin and Minsoo walked into one of the bedrooms, oh so naturally kidnap him in a blanket cocoon in the middle of what Jinwook thought was an interview about their schedules in Japan.

“Why are you like this? Stop it,” but Jinwook was laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

Soon enough they have Jinwook in a chair, surrounded by the members saying that they brought him in for yaja time.

“Ah wait, what about Sooil-hyung?” Jinwook managed to slide in.

“Oh he went to the washroom.” It’s Hwanhee’s line this time, they’re not rehearsed but with this much it’s easy to be natural.

“Alright let’s play the ‘sincere’ game,” Dongyeol squeezed in.

But before anyone else has the chance to speak, Sooil popped out with a cake in hand with a loud “I love you,” and the group burst into ‘Happy Birthday’ followed by a low chant of “don’t cry,” and everyone was grinning.

“Make a wish and blow out the candles,” Sooil offered while Dongyeol teased Jinwook about tearing up.

This of course spurred on everyone to tell Jinwook to cry, and he tried but it didn’t really work.

“Truthfully, did you figure it out?” Wooseok asked after a second.

“No.. It’s a kinda.. I,” Jinwook started.

“How’s it possible that he didn’t notice?” Dongyeol interrupted.

“I’m a not a person with no sense,” Jinwook continued.

“Just say you didn’t notice,” this time it’s Sooil’s interruption, forcing a piece of fondant into Jinwook’s mouth.

“No, when I came in,” Jinwook tried to continue but there’s 10 members and there was really no way the leader would get through it without at least a million interuptions.

“Think about it first, then explain,” it was Minsoo’s turn now, meanwhile Sungjun was trying to get Jinwook to look at the camera, all the while Sooil continued to stuff Jinwook’s mouth with fondant. A few more members cut in before finally Jinwook got a stretch to explain.

“I mean, I was doing the interview and suddenly Kogyeol walks in—”  
“From then?” Another interruption.

“What is this? Something’s off, then suddenly they were carrying me.”

“Ah, we got caught.”

“But I came in and suddenly— that’s not it.”

“Thinking there was a cake?”

“Yeah, but I was thinking, that’s really not it?” And all the members were laughing in the background.

“You thought it was just a joke?”

“Yeah, so I thought, maybe that’s really not it, but when I asked where Sooil was, you said that he went to the washroom and I think, he’s really the kind of kid that would have to go at a time like this.”

And everyone started laughing at Sooil.

“It would be great if you could stop talking now,” Sooil got in.

“When you suddenly came in, honestly, I was really touched, but when I first came in and you suddenly said let’s do yaha time I got really angry. These, kids. Seriously, wrapping me up like that, bringing me here and then suddenly talking about yaja time—”

“So we’ve prepared a present,” Minsoo offered, handing him a paper with different messages on it and everyone started laughing, talking about how disappointed Jinwook looked. “But that’s not the end, if you look, there’s no names. If you can’t guess who wrote what in 10 seconds, your face will go in the cake.”

Jinwook started reading the messages, got the first one right instantly, then proceeded to get it wrong immediately. He read through all the messages, the members sometimes throwing in their own guesses, but in the end, instead Jinwook’s face going in the cake, while Wooseok as bending over to grab a piece off the top, the cake was brought up just enough to get some of the icing on his face and everyone started laughing again.

They quickly wrapped things up, turned off the camera and started devouring the cake , each with a fork in hand and the complete disregard for the need of plates. The gifts of course, would wait until they were back at the dorm, and more than likely would be given on Jinwook’s actual birthday.

Minsoo, being the thoughtful, caring, generous dongsaeng that he was, had prepared not one, but two presents. He knew both would be well received, but that did nothing to calm his nerves.

Minsoo put a lot of thought into Jinwook’s (first) birthday present.

Despite this, he ended up getting a custom mug printed that read “World’s Best Leader” and stuffed it with some hot chocolate powder packet and called it a day.

 

Next, was the waiting game.

 

Waiting and waiting for them to have the opportunity to be alone, which seemed to be happening less and less.They couldn’t always shower together, nor could they always be the only ones that stayed back in the dorm on a day off (which were few and far between to begin with).

What opportunities remained were running errands for the dorm, and late night kisses in the kitchen if they could manage it.

 

Neither of which left them the time or the option of doing anything beyond a kiss.

 

*** *** *** *** ***

 

Oh how he missed this. Jinwook’s lips on his, Jinwook’s fingers on the back of his neck, Jinwook’s chest against his while Minsoo’s nerves coiled in his gut. Eyes closed, melting into his hyung’s touch.

 

Then he opened his eyes.

 

His hands felt cold, his lips felt dry, his arms decidedly empty. Again he was dreaming of Jinwook and the only way he could make himself feel better about it was by telling himself that surely Jinwook was doing the same.

His head ached a little and he coughed.

“Minsoo-ah, you okay? You don’t looks so good.”

Minsoo shakes his head (a bad idea), and sat up to face whoever was talking. Yein, precious Yein, and Minsoo smiled.

“I’m fine.” And a hand reaches forward to touch his forehead. He was damp and hot to the touch, he didn’t need to hear it. He could feel how flushed his face was.

“No you’re not, you, lie back down. I’m going to get the thermometer.”

Minsoo just sighed and followed the order. He didn’t have the energy to argue, but the last thing he wanted was for Yein to be worrying about him. The other was supposed to be taking the bullet train back to Jeollanam-do to go visit his family. One of his uncles died and while he couldn’t get the time off for everything, he had to at least go pay his respects. The group was given a couple days of minimal schedules after the the first 2 weeks of promotion anyway. Still, Yein had enough to worry about.

But soon the other returned, thermometer in hand and it was no surprise to either of them to find Minsoo had a fever.

“I’m fine, what time is it? Shouldn’t you be leaving? Someone else can play nurse if you’re really that worried.” He was pretty sure he’d be fine with some sleep, but he also knew that trying to explain that wouldn’t help Yein leave.

“A lot of the other members are already out though...” Yein trailed off and they could hear the front door more or less slamming closed as if on cue.

“I’ll just call Jinwook-hyung. I’m pretty sure he said he was running errands to pick things up for the dorm, I’ll tell him to grab you some medicine on the way back. But until then, you don’t move, and rest up. I expect you to be all better when I get back tomorrow.”

Minsoo just nodded and gave the other a smile. “Thanks, chingu-ah.”

 

After that, he dozed for a while. For how long exactly, he wasn’t sure but when he woke up, his lips felt dryer than ever but his head felt a little lighter so he dragged himself to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Soon the glass was empty and on the counter, with Minsoo pressing his head to the cool countertop.

“Minsoo-ah,” he heard the voice from afar, Jinwook must have just gotten back.

“I’m in the kitchen, hyung.” It came out pretty quiet, but not a minute later, Jinwook had dropped off all the bags and was rubbing Minsoo’s back.

“Soo-ah, how’re you feeling? Yein said you had a fever.”

Minsoo mumbled something inaudible before lifting his head to face Jinwook only for the older to press a hand to his forehead.

“You’re burning up, here.” He dug through one of the bags to pull out some cold medicine and a vitamin bottle. Then quickly refilled Minsoo’s water so he could take the pills.

“Thanks, hyung.”

“Don’t mention it, now let’s get you back to bed.”

 

By the time Minsoo woke up, it was time for dinner as indicated by all the chattering and noises coming from the kitchen. Glancing to the right, he saw Jinwook passed out with a book on his chest and snickered quietly before prodding at his arm.

“Hyung, you’re drooling.” He wasn't.

“Sounds like someone’s feeling better,” Jinwook answered without opening his eyes

“All thanks to you nurse-hyung. All though I’m pretty sure you should be wearing a skirt or something with a plus sign on your hat.”

“Would you like that?” And Minsoo nearly choked and felt his face flush red all over again.  
Then after a second, “Pervert.”

And Minsoo glared.

“You’re the one that brought it up.”

“But you’re the one who started imagining it.”

“Hyung—”

“Hyungdeul,” Dongyeol poked his head around the doorway. “Food’s ready.”  
“Coming!” Minsoo all but jumped out from under the blanket, eager to run away from whatever conversation he was having, and hopefully also the visual of Jinwook in a skirt.


End file.
